There Is Only One
by basketcse
Summary: This story begins at the end of Twelve Sharp. It starts out reading like a tart/MM tale, but is in fact another type of story with a powerful and revealing ending, with a message. There is no character bashing. There is angst and there will be tears and by the end, tears of joy. Whatever you do, DO NOT stop reading.
1. Chapter 1

**The primary characters do not belong to me. They belong mostly to Janet Evanovich. Even though I'm not happy with her continued humiliation of these wonderful characters, I thank her for creating them and letting us play with them. Ben is mine. I mean, I really wish that he was mine.**

Update - More Big Surprises is pretty much finished and will be posted after this story. My original story, "Way to Go" will be available for purchase soon in e-book form and paperback and I want to thank a fellow writer, **jenrar** for her amazing contribution. She helped to bring my book to life and I think you'll like it. It's filled with kooky characters and silliness and lots of those spew moments that I'm known for. I'll keep you up to date on the publication here and on my blog.

Speaking of my blog, it was never intended to voice my opinions on rude reviewers and will no longer be used as such. I got my point across and I'm happy with that. Several authors reached out and more readers than I can count. I love you guys too. Note to those very few rude reviewers that hide behind those guest reviews. Just take a hike, so that the rest of us can write and read stories in peace. Maybe you'll be happier when you get the ankle bracelet off or maybe with your next Xanax score. I realize that you're pretty much chained to the computer and living at your Mom's and have nothing else useful to do. Pity, every good mind wasted.

Here is the deal. Your rude and nasty reviews will be deleted and ignored, I'm expecting them. I encourage any and all reviews which are not just insulting and offensive. I like constructive and don't mind your honest opinions. I prefer that you do not leave guest reviews. Typically, about ninety percent are used in an abusive way. I realize that some of my fans and readers are from all over the world. I care not if your English is not that good. I am thrilled when you honor me with a message. Sign in and talk to me. I know where you are and I would love to know you. I want to enjoy all of you before I focus mainly on my original work. Okay, with this said, this story is a result of how I feel when I'm under attack and blue. LOL You know my angst. However, I'm going to toot my own horn. It may be one of the best fanfiction stories that I've written.

The story is set at the ending of JE's book twelve. This reads in the beginning like a tart/MM tale, but is in fact another type of story with a powerful and revealing ending, with a message. Whatever you do, Do NOT stop reading. It is uniquely my kind of tale. Don't hit me with the hea questions, I won't answer. Just trust and read and bring a tissue box for the angsty moments. You'll get through it and come out the other side happy. I did. Ha!

All mistakes are mine!

**There Is Only One**

**Chapter 1**

Seeing a birthday cake in the case at the Tasty Pastry has always inspired happiness, desire and extreme warm fuzzies in me, but not today. Not anymore. I heard my name and looked up and Dorothy smiled and handed me a box filled with a dozen fresh assorted doughnuts. I paid her and finger waved as I headed out the door.

I got in my late model Ford Escape and headed to the bonds office to visit Lula and Connie. I didn't see them so much anymore now that my business was growing. I had kept my BEA license active, but I only did fugitive recovery as a favor to Connie when Vinnie was in a snit about losing money. In other words when Joyce 'the skank' Barnhardt couldn't do the job. I had to admit that it gave me much pleasure to accomplish what that silicone bitch couldn't.

Lula and Connie were standing at the door waving and waiting for me when I walked in the office. I gave them both hugs and plopped the box on Connie's desk and we all dug in.

Lula said, "Damn, skinny white girl. You even skinnier now. You need ta' come around more often so me and Connie can fatten you back up some."

Connie eyed me. "Steph, you do look a little on the thin side for you. You okay, hon?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah, I just started eating a little healthier." The real truth was, I had lost my appetite four months ago. The same day I lost the taste for birthday cake. I lost a lot of things I enjoyed that day.

Lula said around a chocolate custard filled, "When you gonna' be able to hire me? I'm still waitin'. I'm yo' partner and we're a team you know."

I smiled. "I know. It takes time to build a business. I'm just starting to make a real paycheck for myself. It shouldn't be long. Business is going pretty good."

Connie said, "I'm really proud of you Steph. I know it was hard for you to make such a drastic change in your life, but you did and stuck to your game and now look at you. You've come a long way in such a short time."

"Yep, fueled by loathsomeness, desperation, blind determination and yada, yada, yada." And, nothing like having your life and your heart shatter into a gazillion pieces and crawling and bawling on your hands and knees trying to pick up all the tiny parts and stuff them back in your chest and get your shit back together. I took in a big breath and blew it out my cheeks. "Reality smacks hard enough...it changes you."

They both were quiet for a couple minutes.

Lula said, "You know Tank and a few of your hottie friends been askin' about you. They miss you."

I smiled. "I miss them too." But, they just remind me of…

Lula cleared her throat and said, "We need to go to the mall girl and do some serious shoe damage soon. I broke a heel off my favorite pair of Loubi's chasing a dangerous fugitive the other day."

Connie snorted. "Yeah he was a dangerous one. His age and his weight were the same, seventy-five. And, he's a flasher and his weapon wasn't big enough to see and most definitely shoots blanks." Connie snickered and I had to laugh. Lula just glared at us and shoved the rest of her second doughnut in her mouth.

"We'll go shopping for sure soon. I can't believe I haven't ruined many clothes in the last few months. It's kind of nice to look in your closet and pull out something familiar and wear it more than once or twice." I haven't ruined any panties in forever either I thought. I don't have to worry about that now. Sigh.

They both nodded thinking about that seriously. I said, "Well girls, gotta' skidaddle. I have a cheating spouse to spy on." I'm getting to be an expert at that.

They both hugged me and I headed out the door. I had one leg in the door of my Escape and heard my name and turned. It was Joe Morelli. His hot Italian self sauntered over to me with a sexy grin on his face. "I haven't seen you around in a while. How are you, Cupcake?"

I smiled back at him. We'd done the on/off relationship roller coaster until we were both exhausted and ended it with one last blow up, followed by a serious talk almost four months ago.

Over time, we'd run into each other and began to build on a friendship. I still loved him and I think he loved me. It just took the friendship to understand that the kind of love we had wouldn't make or sustain a marriage and we definitely didn't want the same things for the long haul.

"Hey, Joe. I'm pretty good. You?"

He said, "Good. Busy. How is your P.I. business going?"

"It's going and growing little by little," I said.

He shook his head. "I gotta' tell you. I'm amazed and proud of you. I'm sorry to say that I never gave you enough credit. I'm glad you realized that you were smart enough to take control of your life and do something good for yourself."

I sighed. "Why would anyone give me credit for being a mess, Joe? I was a joke and my life was out of control." The only one that gave me encouragement had been a liar. He was pretty much encouraging me to be his entertainment in more ways than one.

He looked at my face and kissed me on the cheek. "Keep moving forward, Steph. You're doing good. Time will make it all better and easier to let the past go."

He didn't say, "I told you so...", or "You deserve what you got…", or "You play and you pay…", or anything like what he probably should have said and I appreciated that. He was just being a friend even after I told him my story and admitted sleeping with Ranger that one night.

I said, "Yeah, I know and it is. It's nice to have my business and goals. It helps a bunch."

He said, "How about a pizza, beer and game night with me and Bob soon?"

I smiled. "Sounds good. Call me when you have a night off soon."

He nodded and headed back to his TPD issue crapmobile and hopped in. I chuckled to myself. His cop cars and the man never matched very well. He cared and grouched about it, but his main job concerns were about being a good detective and catching bad guys and putting them in jail and he was good at it. He was a good, honest, cop and had turned out to be a really good man.

I got in my Escape and my phone rang. I looked at the display. "Hey, how's it going in Cyprus?

"The dig is going good in Polis. It's so beautiful and peaceful, I hate to leave. I have to get back to reality and start my fall class. So, I'll be home soon."

"Oh. Guess I should start looking for a place."

She said, "You know, I've been thinking about it and I think you should stay for as long as you want. I have two bedrooms and I don't mind the company. You could save for your own place and keep focus on your business. I'm gone so much anyway."

I said, "Lorraine, that's really generous of you. Meeting you at the time I did was a gift horse and I'm not going to look him in the mouth. I have to accept."

She laughed. "Okay. I'll call you again soon, chick."

I said goodbye and disconnected.

Lorraine is the sister of Dillon Ruddick, my old apartment building super. He had been there for me in one of the most difficult times in my life a few months back and what he did to help me couldn't be repaid with the usual six-pack of beer. When my life came crashing down during that time, he was the first one to offer help and he did in a big way. It was only two and a half weeks after Scrog had shot Ranger in my living room and seeing the hint of the blood stains still there every day, made it difficult for me to continue to live there.

Dillon was a sweet, simple man and after over three years living there, I never knew that much about him. He cleaned up after all my work related catastrophes without complaint and never refused me a favor. He had hooked me up with his sister, Lorraine who is a Ph.D. in Classical Art and Archaeology and teaches at Princeton University. She was going away on a dig for the summer and was looking for someone to house sit her condo while she was gone and the timing had been perfect. I met her and we clicked and I'd packed up my personal stuff and ran.

My sister and her new husband had lived in the apartment for a while and now Grandma was living there and enjoying her freedom. According to Dillon, it was quickly turning into a swinging senior center. And, when he had told me that, he had grimaced and shivered and I had laughed.

Within that new peaceful environment, I had been able to seriously ponder my life and the last few years. I had even sat down and made some notes and put my life to paper and the reality of what I saw in black and white was sad, even pathetic. I knew that I couldn't go on living like I was. I was a crazy mess, people saw me as a joke and I had a big fat zero amount of self-respect and self-esteem. I had spent nearly three years making excuses for all my bumbling and my bad choices and using and depending on men to take care of me and pick me up and dust me off when I screwed up and I was a runner. I ran from everything, especially responsibility for my life and my actions. What it took to see just how bad it was came down to a severe kick in the teeth, gut wrenching hurt and being alone. I mean really alone for the first time in years. Then it dawned on me that if I didn't change, I wouldn't ever figure out what I wanted in life and have it. I was doomed to die one day in one of those burning cars when my luck ran out and worst of all, I would never realize my childhood dream and get the chance to fly. For the first time in my life, I wanted to ignore the people that wanted to manipulate me and try to get me to do and be what I didn't want to and really give flying a try and do it on my own steam.

After doing some research, I found that in a career in private investigation that I could use what I'd learned as a bounty hunter and still continue to utilize my instincts and my business degree would come in handy in starting my own business. I signed up for online private investigation courses and called Joe Juniak, the Trenton police chief and asked for a favor. The P.I. licenses were issued by the Trenton State Police and he wrote me a recommendation and we sent my application in and within two weeks, I was licensed and in business.

The first thing I needed to do was make an announcement to let people know about my change of career and new biz. I thought that the cheapest and easiest way was via the Trenton paper. So, I called the butt wipe that was mostly responsible for the 'Bombshell Bounty Hunter' stories. He was a worm. The equivalent of my cousin Vinnie. A pathetic and weird little gossip monger from the 'Burg' that still lived with his mother. He gave me the frigging reputation, I earned it and had decided that I might as well use it for a good purpose. I told him that I was now a licensed private investigator and reminded him that I ALWAYS got my man.

Within a month, that became my new credo, my new business slogan. I was now, 'Stephanie Plum Investigations' and followed by, I ALWAYS get my man. Geez-louise! If they only knew the real irony of that idiom. Thank you Norman, you weasle. You made my life miserable for a long time and you owed me. The result was that my cell was ringing and the website that I'd paid my little friend, Randy Briggs to create for me was getting action. Mostly women were contacting me, but that was great. Women, identified with me and my slogan.

In a surprisingly short time, I'd become so busy that I told Vinnie to call me only when he was about to lose money. I figured that I owed him at least that much for giving me a chance in the first place. He wasn't happy, but who cared except Joyce Barnhardt, who screwed for all her creature comforts and I do emphasize creatures and she had now humped and oinked her way to his top BEA. Congratulations Vinnie and Joyce. I hoped they would be very happy together. Not!

TBC -


	2. Chapter 2

******The primary characters do not belong to me. They belong mostly to Janet Evanovich. Even though I'm not happy with her continued humiliation of these wonderful characters, I thank her for creating them and letting us play with them. Ben is mine. I mean, I really wish that he was mine.**

All mistakes are mine.

Wow! Just wow! I heard from so many of you on that first chapter. Just want you to know that I was humbled by all the nice reviews. I sent some of you this message and I want to make this note to all the readers of this story. This is one of my frustratingly, cheeky tales and it takes a very wide circle revealing very little at a time before the end. Don't assume anything. It's not over till the fat lady caterwauls... Ladedadeda, singing THE END. LOL

Thank you to the guest that had very kind words!

I will also, give you tissue warnings for the difficult chapters. I have a box sitting next to me. I'm still finishing up the story. I haven't boo-hooed this much writing my own story since '_Lost and Found_'. My husband and son think I'm nuts. I laugh and cry at my own stuff. LOL I.E., I don't expect you to do any more than I'm doing. I'm the test driver. Hahaha!

**Chapter 2**

I was currently looking for a space in between my sleuth jobs to open an office in Trenton. I had saved enough for first and last month's rent and deposit on a new apartment and some extra. Finding out that I didn't have to move right away would give me some nice leeway and I could get in a better location for a little extra money. I smiled and headed off to catch another cheating husband. After payment for this job, I could add a new gumshoe tool of the trade to my slowly growing inventory.

Finishing off my plate of buffalo wings and my beer, I cast another look over my shoulder when I heard giggling behind me. I rolled my eyes. I'd had one donut for breakfast, missed lunch, and I was starving when I followed Farnsworth to the bar after work. He was now playing pool and flirting with two women in the corner. I had snapped a couple pictures and taken the opportunity to get a bite to eat at the bar. He was a CPA that worked for a small firm. His wife thought he was fooling around with his secretary or someone else at work, but that didn't turn out to be the case. It was looking more like his extracurricular activities were taking place outside the workplace.

I turned on the stool to watch the threesome. The door to the bar opened and a man entered and my eyes were drawn to him. Holy panty hamster! I think I just felt a stirring for the first time in months and then I grimaced at my inappropriate mental exclamation being that my pet of choice was in fact a hamster, named Rex. The guy made a face and stopped and looked down at himself and touched his shirt and checked his fly and looked back up at me. He gave me a small crooked little smile and when he did that, he almost looked like a young Elvis Presley. My broken heart had just started beating again and it was pounding. It still worked.

He was maybe my age or a little older and was a little over six-foot tall and buff. He was muscular like one of Ranger's merry men, yet not as beefy and more athletic looking. His hair was dark brown and wavy, slicked back with gel and it curled around his ears and down to his neck, and his eyes were a kind of hazel with brown flecks in them. His skin was a flawless, warm, olive tone. It was hard to tell what his family heritage might be. All I knew was that he was the most gorgeous man that I had ever seen next to Ranger and Joe. I think he was maybe a tad more on the prettier side than Ranger. He was wearing slim jeans that fit him like a glove and sat low on his lean hips and boots and his printed t-shirt was half tucked into his jeans showing part of a leather belt that matched his boots. I pretty much had to manually push my chin back up and put my tongue back in my mouth, and shadow my eyes to block my stare. I was embarrassing myself.

I heard the boots walk up next to me and a smooth, sexy voice said, "Excuse me. Do I know you?"

I removed my hand and rolled my eyes in the direction of the voice and up to his face. I went to speak and I squeaked. Back to that embarrassing thing. I swallowed and tried again. "Uh..no. I don't think so."

He chuckled and said, "When I came in the door, you looked at me and grimaced. Women don't normally do that and I thought I may have met you at some time in my past and offended you or something. I looked down at myself to make sure that I hadn't left my fly open or picked up something disgusting on my boot on the way in."

I burst out laughing at that, relieved that his initial question wasn't some pick up line. Come to think of it, men as handsome as him didn't much have to use pick up lines. Women had just naturally swarmed Ranger. I said, "I'm sorry. I wasn't grimacing at you, I was grimacing at a dumb thought that popped up in my head at the time you walked in."

He gave me that awesome grin again and sat down next to me. "I'm really curious about that thought. Care to share?"

I grimaced again. "Oh, no, no, no. You do not want to know the cuckoo that flies around in my belfry." He burst out laughing then and it was a beautiful tone.

He stuck out his hand. "I'm Ben Asher, most of my friends call me Benny." I shook his hand and smiled back at him. "Stephanie, my friends call me everything under the sun."

He laughed again. "Stephanie, I haven't met a woman that makes me laugh out loud in a long time. I'm pleased to meet you."

I glanced at my target to see what he was up to now and they were just ordering a round of drinks. I was free to chat for a few minutes. When I glanced back at him, his eyebrows were a bit furrowed and I quickly said, "Oh, sorry again. Pleased to meet you as well Ben. Do you live in Trenton?"

"No. I'm here on business. I spend most of my time at my home in Miami, summers in Boston," he said.

I asked, "You have two homes? That's nice, and you must like warm weather? What do you do for a living?"

He said, "I'm a technical engineer and part owner in a company that has several locations on the east coast. I'm here to talk about a new location with my partners. My homes are in two of the cities where we have offices. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a private investigator and if you notice any lack of attention to our conversation, it's because I'm actually working. There is a cheating husband over there buying a new round of drinks '_boning up_' for a ménage à trois. And, forgive the bad pun." I motioned to the table with my head.

Ben laughed out loud again and looked over at the table. He said softly, "I liked the pun and I love your sense of humor and I can't believe you're a private investigator. I'm so intrigued that I want to know more about you. Are you single?"

I turned to him. "Are you?"

"Yes."

"Would you submit to a background check and lie detector test? I might want references from old girlfriends or wives. I would want to know if you do relationships, how they ended and if you were honest with them. I wouldn't accept a date until I knew the truth about you," I finished and then took a breath.

He raised both eyebrows and said softly, "How did you get so jaded, Stephanie?"

I looked him dead in the eye and said, "Ben, you're obviously wealthy, handsome and single. I'm guessing you are in your thirties. What are the issues or skeletons in your closet that keep you from forming relationships and settling down?"

He gave me a somber look and said, "I have more bad habits than secrets. More failed and phony relationships than I want to count and If you weren't working right now, I would steal a kiss and show you how much I'd like to get to know you. Then, I would ask to take you out to dinner and bore you with the story of my life. Because, for the first time in years..."

I jumped up off the bar stool and headed toward the door. Farnsworth had gotten up and was heading out with the two women. I heard my name called from behind me. "Stephanie? Wait!"

I turned to look at his handsome face one last time and smiled and then moved on through the door. It was way too soon for any kind of a relationship with a man. And this guy, was way too good to be true. Farnsworth was already in his car with the two bimbos and I jumped into my SUV and prepared to follow.

Before midnight, I'd had enough blatant betrayal of the sanctimonious kind to last me for another four months or so and I was glad that I didn't stay at that bar any longer. Although, some of their early moves of the night were interesting and maybe worth trying in the future. But, where did some of that sick, crazy, crap they did later come from? The Vincent Plum book of worm sex? Sheesh. I need to disinfect my eyeballs. I was beginning to hate men and if I'd been a good Catholic girl and spent more time on pews than under the men in my life, I would maybe think about becoming a nun. The raw truth was that I might be a distant relative to Joyce B. I had kept my own version of a ménage à trois running for about two years.

When I laid down on my soft 800 count sheets that night that I'd splurged and bought from a local bed and bath store, I smiled because of two things. I had completed another job and I had felt the stirrings of desire for someone other than Ranger Manoso. Maybe tomorrow or next week, another good looking guy would ruin my panties and set my sights on finding love again. Move forward one day at a time and one pair of ruined panties does not equal anything, was now my new motto. I sighed and closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Two days later, I got a call from Connie. "Hey girl. You said you were looking for an office space and I drove by the old Kan-Kleen Dry-Cleaning Service that Mama Macaroni owned and it's closed. They've remodeled the building and now it's two separate office spaces. One is still for lease and it would be a good location for you. I got a phone number off of the sign out front."

She gave me the phone number and I said, "Thanks Connie. I'll call right away. That would be a really good location."

I hung up and dialed the number and spoke to a commercial realtor. He gave me the details on the space and it sounded perfect. We made plans to meet before lunch. I was really excited now and called Connie back who was a wealth of information and asked her about sign companies and office supplies. We talked several minutes and I got ready and headed into Trenton. I really owed that woman. She had helped me to get the bounty hunter job and hooked me up with Ranger and now had come through for me again. When I was able, I was going to steal her from my sleazy cousin, Vinnie Plum. I didn't totally regret meeting Ranger. He had helped me and he had saved my skin on several occasions and didn't ask for anything except for that one time. In truth, I had learned from him and from that experience came this new one.

The office space was perfect and the price was workable. It was in a great location, it was fairly safe and there were street lamps and private parking which can be rare in Trenton. The rent was a little higher than I had budgeted, but I thought I could swing it by staying with Lorraine for a while. The only thing that I was worried about was my credit history and I'd never owned property except for cars and well, I wasn't a very good property owner. When he found out who I was, he had laughed.

He said, "You're like a local celebrity. If you're current on your apartment rent and credit cards, I think I can get your lease approved. How are you doing with your new career?"

I responded, "Well, it's good. It's growing fast and I'm hoping for success."

We had done the paperwork together and I signed the lease and we shook hands and now all I had to do was wait for his call to see if I was approved.

I was excited and my little celebration was going to be Pino's for lunch. Maybe Joe would be there or my friend, Eddie Gazarra. I walked in and waved at a few guys I knew and ordered a sub and a coke and got a table avoiding the one in the back of the room that Ranger always chose when he was here. Carl and Big Dog from the TPD came in and walked over and asked if they could join me and we were all talking when I heard my name and turned. It was Tank and he had just walked in the door and was smiling at me and I got up and ran to him and jumped and hugged him. He easily caught me and was chuckling and as I looked over his shoulder, another man walked through the door and stopped. He first looked at me really surprised and then a lopsided grin began to spread across his face. It was that guy, Ben.

I kissed Tank on the cheek and slowly slid down off of him and looked up into his big smiling face. "Good to see you, big guy."

He grinned down at me. "And you, little girl. What you been up to?"

I said, "Just sleuthing. I'm on a roll. Nothing that I've done has made the news in months. Come over and sit with us."

He said, "I want to introduce you to a good friend of mine. Stephanie, this is Benny. He works for Rangeman. We were Rangers together. He's been with us since the beginning. He just don't much care for Trenton."

I gave them a half-hearted smile and turned to Ben. "What? You got something against smog and crime?"

His smile got bigger and he said, "Something like that, but I love the women."

My heart just sank and I guess I frowned. His eyebrows furrowed and then he kind of frowned. "Did I say something wrong, Stephanie?"

This meant he was a friend of Ranger's too and he was off-limits and probably explained his lifestyle and lack of commitment. Fuck me and my luck with men. I put my fake smile on and mumbled, "Oh, no. Good to see you again..." I turned and headed back to my table.

I was glad that Carl and Big Dog were there to divert my attention from Ben. He had given me a questioning look right before I turned to walk to the table. The guys had asked about my business and I told them that it was going good and that I had signed the lease for the office space today and was waiting for approval. The guys then got off on a conversation about Mama Macaroni and my car blowing up when she'd tried to steal it and Ben's eyebrows had risen to his hairline and he'd asked, "You're that Stephanie. Ranger's Stephanie?"

All conversation had stopped and I had almost choked and had to compose myself. I finally said, "I have to be somewhere guys. It was really good to see you all."

I got up and headed to the door in a hurry. I heard Tank say, "Steph?"

I just stuck my hand up and waved without turning and kept going. They may not know the details of my falling out with Ranger, but they knew that he wasn't my protector any longer. He wasn't around anymore and discussion having to do with him was definitely taboo.

TBC -


	3. Chapter 3

**The primary characters do not belong to me. They belong mostly to Janet Evanovich. Even though I'm not happy with her continued humiliation of these wonderful characters, I thank her for creating them and letting us play with them. Ben is mine. I mean, I really wish that he was mine.**

All mistakes are mine.

Talk about the love... My head looks like a big smiley face! Thanks to all of you for the nice words and support. It's Easter weekend and for those of you who celebrate it and asked for a gift, I'm posting some extra chaps over the weekend. Enjoy!

A/N - Tough chapter. Tissue Warning

**Chapter 3**

Ben had asked, "_You're Ranger's, Stephanie?_" Painful words. I got in my car and pulled out of the Pino's lot and headed toward Princeton. Before I'd gotten two blocks away, tears were falling down my face as memories of Ranger and those of that painful day came rushing back in. That's the day that I'd found out that there was one thing that I definitely wasn't, and that was Ranger's woman.

I remember rolling down my window on the way to Haywood and breathing in the spring air. That's the only time of year you want to suck in a big breath of Trenton. I had looked down at the flowers and birthday cake on the passenger seat next to me thinking, "_Ranger will get a kick out of this_." I had waited for two weeks for him to finally get out of the hospital and I couldn't wait to spend some time with him. Just the two of us. I had packed a bag in hopes that he'd want me to stay and help him while he recuperated. I felt in my heart that things were going to be different between us now. He was alive and I was happy and excited and had hope there might be a possibility for a future with him. Everything changed that horrible day that he was shot in my apartment. I had changed, we had changed. I had seen it in his eyes.

My mind had flashed back to the day when Scrog shot Ranger. My heart had seized and my stomach flip-flopped and I could barely breathe when he had walked in that room and turned his head and looked at me. What was communicated and what I felt in those few seconds before the first shot was so clear to me. It had never been easy for me to voice my feelings out loud. I did that day. When I was able to speak after a bloody and unconscious Ranger was wheeled out of my apartment, I told Joe that I loved him on the way to the hospital. That had been true, and I always would. It's just that after that day, I knew for sure that I loved another man more, and my heart belonged to him.

I had pulled into the underground garage at Rangeman and parked and finger waved to the camera. Unbeknownst to me, inside the control room there was chaos when they had seen me on the monitors. Hal had yelled to another Rangeman in the hall, "Steph's here. What do we do? Call him?" The Rangeman in the hallway shook his head and said, "No. Let it go. I'll get someone to replace you and you go to your vehicle and get ready. I want you to shadow her today and report back to me." Hal had nodded his understanding.

Inside the elevator, I was already tingling. I could already feel him and I couldn't wait to put my arms around him. To touch his warm body and feel his heart really beating in his chest. To feel for myself that he was still here, alive and with me. When I stepped out of the elevator, I started to knock and then thought I would use my fob and surprise him. I quietly opened the door and stepped in. I heard his voice and he was chuckling and I heard the words, "One Ranger is all you'll ever need, Babe." I smiled. He had caught me.

He was in his office and I walked to the doorway grinning and looked in. I gasped and the cake tumbled from my shaking hand and hit the floor with a loud splat. Ranger had looked up and his eyebrows furrowed, "Stephanie, what are you doing here?" I wasn't the Babe he'd been talking to. I had a feeling that I had never_ really_ been his real Babe and never would be again.

The woman he'd been kissing moments before turned and smiled at me. "Stephanie? This is your Stephanie Plum?" She glided over to me with her J-Lo hips and booty swaying in her too tiny skirt. The two top buttons were open to her blouse and she had lots of cleavage. She was better endowed and her legs were longer and better than mine too. Her brown hair was longer and wavy, not kinky curly and her eyes were even bluer. I hated her guts immediately. She stuck out her hand. "I'm Paulina, Carlos's girlfriend. I love hearing stories about you. You are the first person I want to hear about when he gets to Miami. We have laughed and enjoyed so many of your adventures since he first met you. And really, what a selfless thing you did for Julie." I raised my shaking hand without thinking and she took it and patted it.

I couldn't breathe and I had to look away from both of them. Then the realization of what she'd just said really hit me, the blow, smacking me hard. My blood began to boil and I felt the rhino snorting and rearing its horny head. Horny bastard. Carlos? She had been his girlfriend since he met me? He had made that deal and took me to bed and fed me all that shit the next morning because he was already _in_ a relationship. I looked at her and I said, "He _has_ referred to me as entertainment before. I just really didn't quite understand that until right this minute."

I heard what sounded like a warning growl from behind her. "Stephanie!"

I continued. "He never told me about you. So, I'm sorry I can't say that I've heard nice things about you, Paulina. I'm surprised to meet you because he once told me that he doesn't do relationships." I heard a fist come down hard on the desk where he was sitting.

Ranger roared, "Enough!"

I choked out, "Nice to have met you Paulina. Good luck to you both. Goodbye, Ranger. Give Julie my love, glad you didn't die in my apartment." The shock, anger and hurt, had sucked the air out of my sails. Those were all the words that I could manage and I was exhausted now. The next words out of mouth were just a whisper, "S..sorry about the cake. I have somewhere I need to be."

The last thing that I wanted to do was cry standing there in front of them. I turned and dropped the flowers on the way to the front door and opened it. I didn't get a good breath until I'd punched the elevator button. I heard the stomping of footsteps in the apartment heading toward the door and getting nearer and turned to the stairwell door and ran. I hit the bar and pushed and ran as fast I could down all those flights. I yelped as I tripped on the last set before the garage level door and tumbled down, hitting my forehead on the wall and bouncing off and falling to the concrete floor, scraping up my hands and knees. Getting up quickly, I had limped out the door and to my car. I felt dampness on my forehead and running down to my eyes and swiped it with the back of my hand. I kept saying to myself, "_Just a few more steps, Steph. You can do it. You're almost there_."

I got in the car and took another breath and started it while fobbing the gate open and backed the car up. I dropped the keyfob out the window as I drove out of there like the hounds of hell were after me. I was in hell and it had been gut twisting. Two blocks away, when I stopped at a red light, was when the first sob came. Forty-eight hours later, they still hadn't stopped.

On the way home, I had stopped at a grocery and bought a loaf of bread, a box of Tastykakes and some orange juice and a lime and then stopped at a liquor store and bought a half-gallon of vodka and tequila and then I went home to my apartment.

I had just finished washing the blood off my face and putting a butterfly bandage on my forehead that Bobby had given me a while back when there was a knock on my door and I groaned. There would probably be a scar from the cut. A physical reminder of the day my heart got shattered into tiny pieces.

I walked to the door and looked through the peep-hole and it was Dillon, my super. I opened the door and let him in. He took a good look at me and handed me an envelope. "The owners are announcing their intent to renovate and raise the rent. "Are you okay, Steph? Can I do anything for you?"

I gave him a weak smile and said, "Not really. You're a good friend for asking."

He looked at my head and tear-stained face. "Whatever happened, it's bad. You hardly ever cry," he said softly.

I whispered, "Yeah Dillon. It's about the worst that's ever happened to me. I'm going to need a few days to...myself."

"I understand. I'll come check on you now and then. I'll rap on the door three times slowly so you know it's me. Okay?" I nodded.

On the way to the front door he stopped and looked down and rubbed a stain on the carpet with the toe of his athletic shoe. "I need to work on this area some more," he said.

The memory of that day flashed in my head again. The look in his eyes, Julie with the gun, my fear and the blood. So much blood and a different type of heartbreak and feeling of loss. A sob escaped me and Dillon walked back and gently patted my arm and said, "Promise I'll be back to check on you and do the knock thing so you'll know it's me."

He'd turned and I had shut the door and looked down at the floor again as tears flowed down my cheeks and dropped on top of the blood stains that were still evident. Ranger's blood. The man I thought was my best friend. The man I thought would never lie to me. The man I trusted with my life and everything that I am and the man I loved.

I walked in the kitchen and opened the fridge and placed the juice in. The only other thing inside was a bag of baby carrots and a jar of olives. I grabbed a carrot and opened a cabinet. There was a jar of peanut butter and a couple of cans of soup, some crackers and a box of Rex food. I added the bread and Tastykakes and shook a kibble out of the hamster food box and placed the carrot and the kibble in his cage and sobbed again. All this and a bottle of tequila and vodka and I have everything I need to get through this. To grieve.

I had cried and drank myself into a stupor that night and passed out on the couch and woke to three sharp knocks. I stood and swayed to the tune of a hundred or more tiny imps hammering out their latest masterpiece which BTW couldn't be that masterful considering it was being created in my brain. I opened the door and on the floor was a McDonald's bag and a large Coke. His thoughtfulness had brought on a new wave of tears and I sobbed, "_I love you, Dillon_."

Thinking about the Scrog thing the next day, tidbits of things that Julie had said when I was with her during the kidnapping came back to me. At the time, I hadn't paid much attention because I was so focused on our escape. She had said that first night in the trailer, "You sure are different from Paulina."

I hadn't responded. I thought it was someone in her family or an aunt of even maybe a sister of Ranger's. I didn't know them, so I hadn't responded and went back to my thoughts on trying to get us out of there. Another time when I'd tried to injure Scrog, she'd said, "I can't see Paulina ever doing anything like that."

The last comment had come when Scrog had made me put on that ridiculous leather outfit and my ass crack was showing and she'd smirked and said something like, "If Paulina was wearing those, we'd be seeing a bunch more butt."

So, those comments meant that Julie knew her and probably knew her well. That just made me angrier. Ranger had led me to believe that he rarely got to see or spend time with Julie. Now it sounded like he and his _Babe_, Paulina, had spent time together with Julie for years. My God! How I'd loathed myself and him at that moment for the lies and humiliation.

On the second night, I woke feeling uncomfortable and rubbing the back of my neck and groaning. I opened my eyes as I heard my locks tumble and soft footsteps and I recognized them. He stood at my bedroom doorway for a few seconds and then walked softly into the room and sat in the chair next to my dresser and across from the bed. He just sat there watching me for minutes. I knew that this would be the last time that he would be here and sitting in that chair. Finally, he spoke. "Are you awake, Stephanie?" He called me Stephanie.

I didn't speak. I couldn't even if I'd tried right then.

He spoke again, "When I was in the hospital, I had the time to think about the state of my life and where it was going. My government contract is nearly up and I'm aging. You were back and staying with Morelli before I even got out. Paulina is a good person and long time friend. I decided that I wanted to bring her fully into my life and see if we can be happy together. That's why she was here," he said.

I whispered, "Congratulations. I'm delighted for you both."

He sighed. "Stephanie, since I met you, I've kept the same triangle going with her that you have with Joe. I'm sorry if you were hurt, but now you know how I felt every time you went back to him. Did you not notice that I left town every time. It bothered me. How long did you expect me to wait for you?"

I said, "I thought after Scrog…"

"Babe, you're still with Morelli."

I laughed. Talk about two messed up people out of sync. "The day of the shooting, I told Joe that I loved him. A week later, I told Joe that I loved you more. I came to your apartment to tell you that. I knew there was a chance that you might hurt me like you've done before with your words, but I wasn't expecting that."

He put his head in his hands and groaned. "Dammit! I don't know what the fuck to do now."

I said, "I do, Ranger. She was your _Babe_, first. You lied to me with your words and your actions. Trusting you was the one thing that I thought that I could _always_ depend on. And, I will never get over you calling me entertainment to my face and then sharing that with your girlfriend. For all intents and purposes, our friendship and whatever else we had is dead, over…"

He stood up. "That's not really how you feel. You can't just be in love with someone one day and not be the next."

I snapped, "That _is_ how I feel. You broke my heart in pieces and that love I felt for you is still mostly laying on the floor of your apartment. I'm leaving the memories and the blood stains and the rest here when I leave this apartment soon. You don't love me. You probably don't really love anybody. People don't hurt the ones they love like this."

He walked over and sat on the side of the bed and looked down at me and gently ran his finger over the cut on my forehead. "I'm sorry. Don't push me away, I'm not ready to give you up. I know you still love me and I can prove it."

He took my head in his hands and rubbed the tears from the corners of my eyes with his thumbs and leaned over and gently touched his lips to mine and looked in my eyes and then kissed me again with more pressure. When I didn't open my mouth, he licked my lips and deepened the pressure. He ran his hand down my stomach and I tensed and rolled to my side and he stopped, but kissed me again and I didn't respond. Then he ran his hand slowly down my side and raised his head and looked in my eyes, and there was nothing in my face to encourage him to try further. He hung his head and sat there for a minute and then he got up and walked out of the bedroom and I heard the apartment door open and softly close as he left.

The memory of his boasting about ruining me for all other men reverberated in my mind. Was his thinking that he could use sex to keep me as a plaything here and keep his girlfriend too? Did he think so little of my character? I had thought, my God, Stephanie! This is what you project to the men in your life? That you're desperate and can be so easily used and manipulated? If that was the case, I knew that I really needed to do some self-examination and make some serious life changes. I had turned over in my bed and sobbed into my pillow for the hundredth time in two days.

TBC -

So, this is a tough example of what it takes for our girl, Stephanie Plum, to use her brain and get it. Remember that old Jaws saying, "We're going to need a bigger boat?" Well, trust me. You're gonna' need a bigger box of tissues. This chap was not the worst in the story...


	4. Chapter 4

**The primary characters do not belong to me. They belong mostly to Janet Evanovich. Even though I'm not happy with her continued humiliation of these wonderful characters, I thank her for creating them and letting us play with them. Ben is mine. I mean, I really wish that he was mine.**

All mistake are mine.

Many of you had fantastic comments and insights about the last chapter. Funny thing. This started with a chat with another author you all know. She mentioned in a chapter of her own story, Ranger thinking in his mind about mistresses. I told her that it reminded me of a story that I'd half-finished and I went back and looked at it and it was pretty good. In JE's books, nothing is ever mentioned about Ranger and how he scratches his itch for what? Nearly three years? You know that a virile man like him is not celibate by far. He's getting it somewhere and he's too old and sophisticated now to be still trolling the bars. I think he'd at least want someone familiar for his itch. He has money. So, what would be the logical scenario?

I had a similar experience as Stephanie and tell about it on the blog. A couple of you shared your stories on the last chapter. There is a new posting on my blog if you want to register your opinion on the subject or just share.

You can take a breath reading this chapter. Snicker.

**Chapter 4**

I rose from my bed three days later to three knocks and padded to the door and opened it to Dillon. He had grimaced and grabbed his nose. "Steph, I don't mean to be rude, but go take a fucking shower already. I could almost smell you down the hall." I opened my mouth first in shock, and then burst out laughing. "Come in. Make some coffee and I'll commence deodorizing my sorry self."

I shuffled into the kitchen in my robe and Dillon was feeding Rex. He turned and sniffed and said, "Much better. Brought some breakfast." I kissed him on the cheek and thanked him and we sat down, talking and having coffee and donuts.

I said, "Dillon, I don't think I can live here anymore. There are just too many bad memories and I get upset every time I look at those blood stains. I have to find another place to live."

He had surprised me and said, "I thought you might feel that way. I want you to call this number and talk to my sister, Lorraine. She needs a house sitter for the summer. It's a place to go right now. I can rent your apartment." He slid a piece of paper over to me with a phone number and I looked up at him and my eyes watered.

"Dillon, I don't know what to say. I'm ashamed that I know you and yet I don't know a damned thing about you. Didn't even know you had a sister. This sounds great. Tell me about her."

He had just smiled and told me that she was his kid sister and she was a brainiac and was an archaeologist and taught at Princeton and I almost choked on my coffee, I'd been so stunned. Then he commenced to tell me that he was a vet and had fought in the Gulf War and it had changed his life. He said that he liked the quiet of his apartment in the basement and his simple life as an apartment super. The admission had explained a whole lot about the man. Knowing what he must had seen and gone through and had purposely chosen a solitary life because of it, made me feel less sorry for myself. This man had sacrificed his life for something really important. I felt like a heel. I was crying over a man and a relationship he made clear, he never wanted with me to begin with. How pathetic and self-centered was I?

Things worked out with Lorraine and I moved in. I had called her and went with Dillon to meet her and had liked her immediately. Before I had even finished packing, my sister Valerie had called me to talk or more like whine. She had been staying with my parents and all of them were driving each other crazy and she and her new fiancé, Albert, and the kids desperately needed a place to live for a while. I told her that my place was just a one bedroom, but would be immediately available and I could leave my furniture for them. It had been perfect timing and the whole family had been happy. They had stayed almost the summer and lucked into finding a nice house to rent in the 'Burg and moved out and then Grandma had visited the kids a few times and met some of my neighbors and decided that she wanted to move in.

I had spent the weeks after my move assessing my worthless life and thinking about changes. I really loathed myself and I was tired of feeling like that. It was time to grow up and learn the real meaning of responsibility and stop relying on other people to keep my pathetic butt out of the proverbial crapper. I had done my research and made a decision and moved forward, focusing on one day at a time. I worked for Vinnie during the day and took my _private eye_ classes at night and made good contacts and now I had my own business. I had moved up in the world by default, by my shortcomings, by a painful bitch smack, by hard cold reality. What a naïve idiot I had been.

That was my pathetic story and I had come a long way in a short period of time. Four months wasn't a lot of time to heal from a broken heart. I still cried sometimes when some reminder set me off, I still got angry, still felt humiliation, always felt the empty place he left.

The next morning, my phone rang and I answered quickly. I was expecting to hear from the realtor to see if I had been approved for the lease. "Stephanie Plum Investigations."

"Stephanie, Hi. It's Ben. I got your number from Tank. I hope you don't mind."

I took a breath and responded. "I do mind. Wait, that's not right. Can I investigate someone for you? Want me to snoop on a cheating wife? Or, are you the cheater?"

He was quiet for a minute. "I told you the truth. I kind of don't know what to say now. I called to ask you to dinner if you are in fact single and free."

The words made me angry and I snapped back at him, "I don't date Ranger's merry men. They're my friends and that's all. Nice to have met you. Have a good trip back to whichever home you happen to be going back to. Goodbye." I disconnected.

I knew my anger at him was really unfounded. I guess that my rather irrational behavior toward him proved that I really wasn't ready to date yet anyway. I was still holding a grudge against most all men. My phone rang again and I sighed expecting it to be Ben again. "Stephanie Plum Investigations."

"Steph, it's Tank. We need to talk."

I said, "I know it's you. Your voice is as identifiable as your person. I'll talk to you if we're going to discuss the weather or my friends there."

He said, "I have something to confess about that day."

"No."

"Stephanie…"

I snapped. "I said no. I will never talk about that day again."

He said very softly for his big booming voice, "I could have stopped you. I didn't. I thought it was better that you find out for yourself. I'm sorry it hurt you so bad. I saw you fall down the stairs and I knew you were hurt and I tried to get to you. I made him look at the blood on that wall, little girl. I made him see the cost of his games…"

I started crying as I remembered the fall and the pain. It had been bad and yet still not as awful as the gut wrenching hurt that was my heartbreak that day. I said, "Yeah, I have a physical scar as well as the emotional one that will remind me for the rest of my life why I chose to look forward and never look back or talk about that day again. I appreciate the confession. I have to go now. Tell the guys hello for me. Bye, Tank." I disconnected.

Five minutes later my phone rang again and I was still drying my eyes and I groaned. It was the realtor and my application was approved and the space was mine. I called the sign maker and the office furniture place and bought some stuff for my office and lobby and went to a value furniture place and bought a loveseat and a couple chairs, a nice rug, a couple fake plants and some nice framed pictures. It wasn't fancy, but it was far better than Vinnie's naugahyde couch and sticky, gross carpet. I then called to set up utilities, phone and internet services. Last, I went online to the site where I'd ordered my first business cards and updated them and then ordered some new ones. A call to my insurance company and I was almost ready for my grand opening.

When everything arrived, I called the weasel at the Trenton paper and used him again like he had me so often, one more time. He had printed the news about my grand opening and all the information regarding my new office and location. So many calls came in and people stopped by that I called Lula and Connie and asked them to pick up more snacks and refreshments and come help me with the promise that they would both be hired soon.

The night of my opening went well and I was so excited about the community and friendly support. Even some of my old skips or their spouses showed up to say hello. My friend Randy and Sally came and Dougie and Mooner made an appearance stoned and hung out at the snack table. Even a couple mobsters I knew showed up to offer me congratulations and support. It was over in a couple of hours and I let the last person out and cleaned up before I left.

I walked out the front door and locked it and turned. In the back of the parking lot sat a black Porsche. My heart hit the pavement and I didn't feel a tingle or excitement, I was surprised to feel fear smack me, and I know I looked like a deer in headlights. I ran to my Escape and clicked the door open and before I got inside a hand grabbed my arm and I froze. I felt something then, a slight tingle and goosebumps, but it was weak and the feelings it incited in me were not of the warm and happy kind any longer. I was tense and just stood there waiting for him to speak.

He said, "I've been waiting for the right time to talk to you again…"

I heard the squeal of tires and brakes and turned. A black Hummer pulled into the lot and parked. Tank and Ben got out. Tank yelled out, "Hey, Bomber. Sorry we're late. What are you doing here, Ranger?"

He turned to them and snapped, "Not your business, hermano. Change of plans. Get in your vehicle and go back to Rangeman."

Tank barked, "I'm not on the Rangeman clock, dawg. We have plans with her and I don't recall you being a part of those plans. Steph, you invite him?"

I slowly shook my head no. Ranger and Tank were facing off and Ranger was glaring at him. This may be one of the most intense moments of my life. I was shaking now. I saw Ranger look down at me out the corner of my eye and he slowly released my arm and I moved away from him and toward Tank as his eyes followed me.

Ranger's brows furrowed and he asked, "Babe, are you afraid of me? You really don't trust me anymore at all?"

I turned and said, "It's not my fault, Ranger. That statement is true for the first time in years. That deal you made to sleep with me and the things you said the next morning and sending me back to Morelli? You were lying and you were cheating on her. You were in a relationship and you told me you didn't do relationships. You fed me so much crap about your kind of love with the condom and no ring and so much more. You spent months dragging me to the alley next to the bonds office where we both cheated and I'm ashamed that I let you and kept going back to Joe. He should hate me. You manipulated me and kept me exactly where you wanted me. I want more for me now than a man like you."

Tank spoke up, "What did you expect to happen, man? I didn't even know about some of the shit she just mentioned. What kind of fucking deal did you make? Paulina is a decent woman and you have a mistress in Boston too. Stephanie is not like either one of those women and you should have known that all your bullshit would blow up sooner or later. I'm sorry. We've been friends for a long time, but that day, watching her come into that building all happy with that cake and those flowers and then leave in tears with blood running down her face, man? She put her life in danger and helped you to save your own flesh and blood. I can't forget that shit. If you really wanted her, all you had to do was stop playin' and tell the woman, man."

Ranger glared at the three of us. "Tank, you made a mistake interfering in my private life. Benny, I don't know why you're even fucking here. Stephanie is my woman and my business."

Ben spoke up and said, "I don't think that's true any longer, bro'. From the pieces I've picked up about this story, I don't think she really ever was."

Ranger turned to me. "Babe, get in the car and come with me."

Ben walked closer to me and put his arm around my shoulders and when he did I felt an instant reaction. I felt the birth of a new kind of tingle and shivered. He turned to me and gave me his puzzled look similar to the one he'd given me when we'd first met in the bar and he kind of stuck his nose in one of his armpits and sniffed like I wouldn't notice and I let out a nervous giggle. The guy was so darn cute.

Ranger growled out then. "I get it now. You and my partner? How long has this been going on, _Babe_?"

I winced at his use of that name and I didn't think his words deserved a response.

Tank said, "Enough, Ranger. I think she just wants to be friends and not an amusement or one of your play things. If you can't handle that then you need to leave."

He glared at all of us and turned and stomped to his car and got in and squealed out leaving rubber tracks in his wake.

I turned to Tank and said, "Who the hell is that man? I thought I knew him and it turns out maybe I didn't all this time and that feels creepy now."

"Bomber, I can say that the man is my friend and partner and he has saved my sorry ass on more than one occasion. But, he is fucked up. Truth is, I don't think he'll ever be able to have an honest relationship with a woman. He'll never really just let one person in to get close to him. I had hope for him. I believe that the closest he ever came to real love was with you. I think he brought Paulina to Trenton when he got out of the hospital on purpose and I believe that he sabotaged his friendship with you because of his feelings. He was emotional after the shooting and that makes him uncomfortable. He had never let her or any other woman into that apartment before, except you."

Ben spoke up. "I think he has PTSD and it's severe. He keeps accepting those missions when he doesn't have to. He's always in combat mode and doesn't rest. Doesn't let people get close to him and isolates himself most of the time. He's not the fun guy he used to be. His biggest enemy is really in his head, I'm afraid."

I said, "Funny you said that. One of his relationship excuses was his enemies. He used to break into my apartment at night and sit in my bedroom and just watch me sleep and he would stay for half the night. It was weird at first, but I got used to it.

Tank said, "I knew about that and so did Bobby and Lester. He did that when he couldn't sleep and before and after missions."

Ben looked at me and said, "Stephanie, here in front of Tank I'm telling you why I'm not married. I am always working and I never found the right girl. I date when I meet someone interesting and that is my story regarding women. I'm flawed and dysfunctional and that's another story, but I don't suffer from any mental illness and I don't suffer from PTSD. I have bad memories from my time in the military and I may have bad dreams once in a while and kick in my sleep, but that's it." He stopped like he was thinking a minute and said, "A broccoli and turkey casserole sits worse with me than a bean burrito. That's about all I can think of right now."

He stopped talking and Tank and I just stood there looking at him. Then Tank smirked and said, "Damn, man. You do suffer from extreme motormouth and 'tmi'. You're as bad as Santos."

I started giggling at them.

Ben grouched, "Fuck you. Nobody is as bad as Santos. Don't even get me started about his love life. He lies so much, he gets high off his own bullshit. And, there is nobody fucking worse to bunk with after a bar night and a bean burrito meal in Tijuana."

Tank and I both started cracking up at that.

TBC -


	5. Chapter 5

**The primary characters do not belong to me. They belong mostly to Janet Evanovich. Even though I'm not happy with her continued humiliation of these wonderful characters, I thank her for creating them and letting us play with them. Ben is mine. I mean, I really wish that he was mine.**

All mistake are mine.

Oh, man. You guys love this story. You are definitely putting the pressure on me and I better bring it on this one. Right?

Got some news to share with you. Got an email late yesterday regarding my original book from a great publishing house that I submitted to in L.A. The editor reviewing my book submission, has recommended that it go on for the last tier of review for acceptance. I'll know in a week if they're going to accept me. Fingers crossed chicks! This has been a long and arduous process! Ha!

**Chapter 5**

So, I was standing in the parking lot at my sleuthing office with Tank and Ben and still a little shaken by Ranger's sudden appearance after my little grand opening party. They were currently trying to cheer me up. The two men were funny together and it was evident that they were as close as Tank and Ranger. They had history.

Ben said, "Tank, tell her I'm a good guy. I'm trying to ask her out on a date and she already shot me down once."

Tank said, "No can do. You have to earn her trust. Do you know how many Rangemen that she has disabled including me? No way am I gettin' involved."

I put my arms around Tank's waist and hugged him. I said, "I appreciate the rescue big guy."

He said, "You're welcome. Ranger came back from Miami about three weeks ago and he's been brooding and watching you. I've been trying to keep an eye on him. He's not dangerous, but he can be intimidating. I don't think he's ever been refused anything by a woman. Was afraid he'd catch you unawares and scare you."

I said, "Well, he sure did rattle me a little. Knowing what I do now, I don't think he would have offered me anything different than what he has them. Which was his money and protection and nothing of himself. I never considered him grooming me to be a mistress. It makes me a little sick and angry. I don't want that for me, I want more. I deserve more, Tank."

He squeezed me and said, "Yes you do, Bomber. I'm glad you finally realize that you do. I'm proud of you. I was worried that if you kept your head in your ass and let him keep bailing you out of situations without demanding you get proper training, that you would die in one of those exploding cars. I let you go up to the apartment that day with the hope that you would do what you did. Get it together. I let it happen hoping that it would save you, not for the purpose of hurting you. I'm sorry that you were hurt both emotionally and physically. It made me feel bad. Real bad."

I elbowed his hard abs. "Head in my ass? I resent that!"

He gave me a fake grunt and said, "Just be glad you didn't have that head buried in a Lula ass. How about we go to Shorty's and have some pizza and brewskies?"

My mouth flew open and I smacked him. "I should rat you out for that one."

He was chuckling and I looked up at Ben and he was giving me that lopsided grin and winked at me. I walked with them and hopped into the front seat of Tank's Hummer next to him. I said, "I have really missed you merry men, you know."

Ben burst out laughing. "I had to ask Tank about that when you first said it. I just about busted a blood vessel laughing when he explained that. All of us in tights and caps with feathers. I still can't believe you were that bounty hunter either."

Tank handed his phone to Ben. "Call the boys to Shorty's. We'll celebrate tonight. They can tell you some stories. Little girl had a perfect record taking out fugitives _and_ merry men."

I snapped, "Hey!"

Tank snickered. "She's good for excitement on redecoration jobs, distractions, stakeouts. Just about anything you can think of. Shoots with her eyes closed, but Hal will testify she's badass with a stun gun."

I groaned at the thought of them outing me to Ben all night long. Ben laughed and put his arm around me and winked at me again. His wink was as cute as his smile.

My merry men just kept rolling in the door at Shorty's. Lester and Bobby came and Hal and Cal and Ram and Manny and Hector even came. Junior and Woody and Zip and Zero came after work. The little place was loaded with big men in black. They all had their own Bombshell story to tell. Ben had grabbed a seat beside me and would squeeze my knee under the table and wink now and then. He and the guys were almost crying reliving some of those old stories. Hearing it again like this brought back memories, but deep down I was embarrassed at what a mess I'd really been.

When I began to yawn, Ben put his arm around me and without thinking, I leaned against his shoulder. He whispered to me, "Why don't you come back to Rangeman and stay tonight. Don't you live outside of Trenton now?"

I looked at him. "I can't go back there yet. I'm still not ready and he's here right now."

He said, "Okay, plan B. I could borrow one of their Rangeman vehicles and take you home and bring you back to your car in the morning. Would you let me sleep on your sofa? I don't want you driving far this late at night."

I said, "I can take care of myself, Ben. I only had two beers and it was a while ago. I'm fine."

He put his hands up in defeat. "Okay, then will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?"

He was really sweet and cute, but I had my rules regarding merry men. "I'd really just like to be friends. I just don't date Ranger's men."

He gave me a sad face and then a little grin and I meant to smile back and instead a big fat yawn escaped. He grimaced and said, "Man, I really have to step up my game. You're killing me here."

I burst out laughing at him. "I'm sorry."

I hugged all the guys and Tank and Ben took me back to my car and I kissed and hugged Tank. Ben kissed me on the cheek and told me that he was still going to call the next day and keep trying. I drove toward Princeton thinking that for the first time in months, I felt lighter. Something happened during that confrontation with Ranger tonight. Some of the dark inside of me had been released and left me. Like I had unconsciously decided to let it go, to let him go and move on. Tank and Ben were right about Ranger being damaged. I had been blinded by my love or maybe lust for him and willing to accept the meager parts of himself that he was willing to share. It took all the pain to realize that although I didn't have to have the ring and the kids right now, I deserved them if I wanted them in my future. I deserved a man that wanted to share everything with me because he loved me back.

Ranger wanted to covet me and give me things and keep me at arm's length. He had been pulling me in and breaking me emotionally without me even realizing it. He was in his own way doing what Joe had always tried to do and was molding me to his own selfish specifications because he was socially and emotionally impaired. Just the way he was doing it was far worse than Joe had ever done, he had been deceptive and manipulating the changes in me over all that time. I was a mistress in training and I shivered thinking about it now.

I walked into the condo and turned on the lights and took a couple steps and a hand wrapped around my waist and another covered my mouth when I tried to scream. Oh shit, why didn't I take Ben up on his offer.

I was shaking as my mind was working. I stomped backward hoping to hit a foot and immediately kicked backward with the other foot and elbow hoping to get a shin and maybe a rib and then I ran as soon as I heard the exclamation and the hands loosen their hold on me.

I moved fast to the bedroom and slammed the door and locked it and grabbed my bedroom chair and pushed it in front of the door and sat. My bag had still been dangling on my shoulder and I reached in and grabbed my phone as he banged on the door and commenced to pick the lock. I dialed Tank's number. "Yo."

The door started to open and caught on the chair and he growled at me. "T..Tank, he's here…" He slammed into the door and the chair lurched forward and I screamed as the phone flew out of my hand. Another push and I was launched into the floor.

Ranger stood in my bedroom doorway glaring down at me and then he stomped in and stopped right between my legs and his expression changed to like a sneer. He reached down and grabbed my arm and wrestled me to the bed and I screamed again. I was shaking so hard, I could barely speak. This was a Ranger, I had never seen before and I was terrified. I could die tonight. I could disappear and never be heard from again. He stood over the bed with his hands on his hips and a menacing leer on his face. "R..Ranger why are you here?"

He sneered, "We're going to make up and get some things straight and out of the way. I've invested and you are _mine_ and I don't share, especially with my partner, Babe."

He reached down and flicked the top button on my blouse and I slapped his hand away. He then reached and grabbed a handful of the material and ripped it down the front and the buttons went flying. I screamed and turned and scrambled up the bed. He grabbed my ankles and flipped me over and popped the button on my slacks and ripped at the zipper. I screamed again as I kicked out at him. He pulled me back down the bed toward him and with a yank, my slacks were gone. I whimpered and struggled. He was really going to do this to me. "R...Ranger. This is not you. I'm begging you. P...please don't do this…"

He growled, "We _are_ going to do this and it is going to be good, Babe."

He unzipped his pants and his erection sprang free and he reached down and grabbed the elastic of my panties and I screamed again just as I saw a shadow and something come down on Ranger's head and he made a garbled noise and fell on top of me like a stone knocking the air out of me.

Standing there was Lorraine and she was wide-eyed and shaking. "I'm c...calling the police now," she managed to get out. "B...boy, that's a scary big guy."

Getting my breath back, I whispered, "Help me get him off me and let me check my phone first," I said.

She helped me roll Ranger off of me and onto his back and then we rolled him back over so I could grab my cuffs and put them on him. I grabbed my phone and said, "Tank, are you still there?"

"_Bomber! We're on our way. What's going on now? Are you okay? Did he hurt you?_"

"He's unconscious. Lorraine came in just as he was about to… She hit him in the back of the head. I cuffed him."

"_Good girl. Don't call the police. We'll handle this. We're about five minutes away_."

"Kay. Tank?"

"_Yeah, baby girl?_"

"Who was this man here tonight? This is not the man I knew. He was definitely going to take me against my will and I was afraid that's not all."

"_Stephanie, I don't think that was our boy. This has been a long time coming. He's gone over, he's cracked and he needs help. I think the Scrog shooting and kidnapping was the thing that sent him over. You were good for him and kept him calm and grounded these last few years. Truth was, he needed you more than you needed him. He lost that when he lost you. That was a man on the edge you saw tonight. We're pulling up now_."

I put the phone down and got up and pulled on some shorts. There was a knock and I told Lorraine it was help and she nodded. I went to the door holding my ripped blouse and opened it. Tank walked in and hugged me and Ben right behind him looking grim and then the look changed to angry after taking in my appearance. Bobby and Lester walked in shortly after they did. They both hugged me and headed down the hallway to the bedroom.

I said to Lorraine who was pacing back and forth and shifting her weight from one foot to the other and shaking. "It'll be okay. You want to make some coffee?" She wasn't used to the kind of excitement that I was and I thought suggesting something for her to do might help her right now. She nodded. "Th...those guys are bigger..." I just nodded my agreement and gave her a squeeze and headed to the bedroom.

Bobby was checking Ranger's head and he was now coming back around and groaning and cursing. They had rolled him over and Ben swore and Lester said, "Jesus Christ, man. He was really gonna' do it. Who's gonna' stick his junk back in and zip him up?"

Bobby said, "Get out of the fucking way, you moron." Bobby did the deed quickly and efficiently and zipped him back up. Then he dialed a number on his phone. He said to the person on the line, "Yo couch man, sorry to call this time of the morning. We got a man down. Gone over."

The man on the line said something and Bobby responded. "It's the bossman."

Then Bobby said, "Yeah, Ranger. Hit the wall. We need an LZ location ASAP."

"Okay, I'll be waiting." Bobby disconnected.

He said, "Let's go ahead and get him loaded while we're waiting for his call back."

Ranger's eyes suddenly opened when they sat him up on the bed. His eyes scanned the room and they locked on me and he said, "Shit. I'm sorry, Babe. Did I hurt you?"

I walked over to him and knelt down and said, "It was close, Ranger. I want you to get some help. Maybe when you can let go of some of the bad in your past, then you can go to Miami and try a life there. You said that you cared about Paulina and Julie loves you. She shot a man to save your life. I'm not the woman for you. Not now. I think I might want the ring and the house and kids one of these days now that I'm getting myself sorted out. You need to get yourself sorted out for you and find some happy. Like Joe, I will always love you and care about you. I appreciate all the things you did to help me and keep me safe in the past." Then I took his face in my hands and kissed him on the forehead and cheek and I let him go.

The look on his face was one of extreme sadness and very rare for such a larger than life man that kept his emotions so hidden behind a blank mask.

He said softly, "Babe, I want you to know that I love you, and not just in my own way." I smiled at him as tears filled my eyes and I had to leave the room. Bobby was changing his cuffs to the softer zip tie kind and they were about to lead him out.

Lorraine was in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee and Lester came in and put his arm around me and said, "Hey beautiful, who's your friend?"

I said, "Oh, this is her place. I'm her roommate. She just came in from Cyprus and saved my bacon tonight. This is Lorraine Ruddick. She's Dillon's sister."

He smiled at her and they shook hands. "Lester Santos. Your old apartment super, Dillon?"

Lorraine nodded. "Yeah. That's him. Who is the other guy that came in with you?"

Lester said, "The big one or the one about my size?"

She smiled, "The good-looking one with the medical bag."

Lester grinned and grabbed his heart and said, "Ouch, that hurt. That's Bobby Brown, my partner. I'll introduce you." She giggled at his joking and poured him some coffee and handed him a cup.

Tank and Bobby headed out with Ranger to the SUV and Lester told Bobby to come back and meet Lorraine. Ben came up behind me and put an arm around my shoulder. "You okay, Stephanie?"

I nodded and smiled. "Ben, this is Lorraine. She dropped in out of the wild blue yonder and saved my keister, literally. You want some coffee?"

He stuck his hand out to her and introduced himself and she poured him a cup of coffee. Bobby came in the door and said, "We got an LZ. We have to roll."

Lester sat his coffee cup down and said, "I'll go with Tank. You stay with Ben and the girls." He winked and hugged me and thanked Lorraine for the coffee and headed out the door. Bobby was left standing there grinning and wondering what just happened and we all laughed at him.

Lorraine rescued him and poured him a cup of coffee and said, "I'm Lorraine and I wanted to meet you. I think your partner just did you what they call 'a solid'."

His grin got bigger. "I'm Bobby, and no doubt that favor will cost me knowing that twisted turd, but I have a feeling it will be worth it."

We all burst out laughing at that. We chatted for a while in the kitchen before four sets of droopy eyes were evident. There was one awkward moment and I grabbed Ben's shirt and pulled him toward my room and left Bobby and Lorraine and the sofa to make their own decision.

TBC -


	6. Chapter 6

**The primary characters do not belong to me. They belong mostly to Janet Evanovich. Even though I'm not happy with her continued humiliation of these wonderful characters, I thank her for creating them and letting us play with them. Ben is mine. I mean, I really wish that he was mine.**

All mistakes are mine.

Thank again for all the reviews. There is a lot of dialogue between Stephanie and Ben in this chapter. I hope you find it enlightening and interesting. Make note of some of the things said. Some will be really revealing and make sense later.

**Chapter 6**

Everyone was tired and I had grabbed Ben's shirt and headed to my room. There was an awkward moment when I closed the door and Ben and I both were standing there looking at each other. I said, "This is not my place so I had to leave the sofa open if that's where she wanted Bobby to sleep. And I…"

He said softly, "And you what?"

"I don't think I can sleep in this bed alone tonight after…"

He whispered, "I understand."

"But, I don't mean I want…"

He said softly again, "I know, sex. You want to feel safe and secure."

I let out a breath and said, "Yes."

He said, "I don't know why I feel this way and so soon, but I want to be the last man that touches you in this bed. You deserve caring, consensual, with no lies and no hidden agendas. Just two people that care for one another and want to connect."

I thought maybe I could picture that in my future. Now, was just not the right time to think about that and I said, "That's a sweet thing to say, Ben, and might be nice at some point later on. I'm sorry, but I'm just too emotional and exhausted to think past tonight right now."

He gave me his signature smile and nodded. "Well, you didn't shoot me straight down without a parachute this time..."

I went to grab a t-shirt out of my dresser and stopped when my hand touched one of Ranger's black t-shirts that I liked to wear to bed at night. It was like the soft material stung me and I felt the tears coming again. I picked one of mine instead and went quickly to the bathroom and took off the ripped shirt and pulled mine over my head. I washed the tears away and did my bedtime routine and went back to my room. Ben was sitting on the side of the bed in grey boxer briefs. O.M.G.! I hated thinking this, but he was the perfect mix of Ranger and Joe. If I wasn't so exhausted and mentally drained..? I sighed. No. Maybe a fun thought in another place and time...

He reached out and squeezed my hand and grinned and said, "Have to do the little boys room. Drain the main…"

I held up my hand. "I get it. Just go do it already. There are couple spare toothbrushes in a cabinet next to the sink if you want to complete your night-night routine." He snickered and left the bedroom.

I was on my side with the sheet pulled up when he came back and he slipped into the bed. He said softly, "Can I hold you Stephanie? Big secret, I like to cuddle, do you?"

I definitely did, but it wasn't the right time.

I said, "I think that would be inappropriate tonight. Maybe some time." I closed my eyes and tried to sleep as tears kept escaping from the corners of my eyes.

When I woke up in the morning, I was snuggled up close to a warm hard chest and he smelled good too. I heard chattering in the kitchen and the smell of food. At the moment that the smell registered with my stomach, it let go a growl of enormous ferocity. Ben sat straight up in bed, knocking me off and smacking at the pillow and the bed and muttering, "Where's my gun? Hand me my pants. I got this!"

I burst out laughing and leaned over and grabbed his pants and handed them to him. "You can't kill it. I need it."

He looked around the room. "What the fuck woke me up?"

"My stomach."

He looked down at it. "Shit. Does it get angry often? You fed it last night. I saw you."

"I have a fast metabolism. And, yes, it tends to get testy when it gets empty."

He said, "Bejesus, anything else scary about you I should know?"

I pointed to my hair that was probably most definitely wild and crazy right now and he chuckled. "Ooh. That is pretty freaking scary..."

I growled and pushed him out of my bed as he chuckled.

We went in the kitchen and Lorraine was cooking eggs and chatting with Bobby. He put his arms out for me and I kissed him on the cheek and he hugged me hard. "You doing okay, Steph?"

I nodded. "I'm going to be alright, Bobby. Heard anything about Ranger?"

He's in a private treatment facility and he's not fighting it after last night. Ranger doesn't lose his shit like that. He knows he's way past the fringe, he's seen it happen to men. We have to keep this a secret. He's still got a couple months on his government contract and they don't need to know about this.

I said, "No problem. I want him to get better and I hope he doesn't have to go on anymore of those dangerous missions."

He snorted. "I hope they don't call. We'll have to form a plan and it might have to be elaborate to hide the fact that he's in the hospital. Like, one of us travelling out of the country as him with the excuse that he's doing some private business."

We all looked at each other and got quiet. That's pretty serious. Then Lorraine threw up her hands and declared, "I'm out. I look nothing like the guy."

That made us all snicker. Turns out, she can be quite the witty woman.

Lorraine asked me to put some bread in the toaster and set the table and in a few minutes, we were eating our breakfast. Ben asked about Lorraine's occupation and she was animated talking about her work. I noticed Bobby smiling and his eyes watching her as she talked. I think the guy was smitten. She was pretty in a no-nonsense, girl next door sort of way. She didn't fuss with the things that most Jersey girls did, the hair, the nails and clothes. She had a short, carefree haircut and it was sexy when she ran her hands through it and she had a beautiful complexion and perfect teeth. Her clothes fit her like a glove and her breasts were bigger than mine. Hey, wait a minute? She can even cook. I think I'm jealous. Ben had been watching me while eating and squeezed my knee under the table like he knew what I was thinking. Crap. Not another guy with frigging ESP.

It was awkward when they were getting ready to leave. We all were just looking at each other a little uncomfortably and kind of shy like in saying our goodbyes. After all, we didn't know each other very well. Finally, Ben said, "Fuck it," then he commenced to dip me and plant a sizzling first kiss on my lips. Then Bobby guffawed and tried to outdo him. After, they walked out the door ribbing each other and leaving us standing there blinking and panties askant.

Lorraine looked at me. "Wow, that guy. Just, wow..."

I laughed and we both went to our showers to get ready for the day.

Ranger was on my mind most of the day. I felt sad and dark and I wondered where he was and if he felt the same. His last words were haunting me, "_I love you, and not in my own way_". Big question? What way does a man like Ranger love? He sure as hell had me confused. All he ever did was push me away and then pull me back in. We had mind-blowing sex for one night and shared hundreds of red-hot kisses, then there was that 1000-watt smile alone that had ruined a few dozen pairs of my panties. But, was that satisfying to him? Even if he shared the same with a half-dozen women, how could he be happy with so little? I had Joe all that time to satisfy the part of me that wanted closeness and companionship and satisfying sex with some regularity. I doubted that he had that with any of us. There were three of us that I know of and I'm sure that he was still mostly lonely.

I thought I had let him go last night, but it was hard now knowing that he was sick and needed help. It was hard to believe that the man I knew that was solid as a rock had cracked and come apart. I sighed and mumbled, "_Chicken Little_, the sky is falling. Hell has probably frozen over and dollars to donuts, pigs are flying outside right this minute. This is surreal."

I heard a chuckle and looked up. Ben had stuck his head in my office doorway and I hadn't even heard him come in. "Hey, is something wrong with my bell? I didn't even hear you come in the front door."

He said, "Nope. It worked just fine. You were just busy having a conversation with yourself. By the way, I didn't see any pigs fly over on my way to the door."

I made a face at him and deliberately rubbed one nostril with my pointer finger and he raised an eyebrow and frowned and then touched his nose and swiped at it a couple times, making me giggle. He grinned at me. "Why is it, Ms. Plum, that you tend to make a monkey out of me about every time that I see you? I'm attracted to a woman that makes me feel like less than a man."

I snickered at him. "You look like a whole man to me. Are you missing any important parts that I should be aware of?" My eyes commenced to zero in on his midsection.

The lopsided grin got bigger. "Why, Ms. Plum...?" He gave me the shame on you sign with his fingers.

That was fun for a few minutes, but the melancholy came right back. I sighed. "I've just had Ranger on my mind all day. You know I used to think of him as a superhero, Ben. Indestructible."

He shook his head. "Superheroes aren't really indestructible. They all can be brought down with their own forms of kryptonite. You can't imagine the things that he's seen and had to do in the line of duty and the weight of the burden that he carries around. He's called on to do what few human beings can do or will do. His ineptitude in forming relationships is likely somewhat intentional, comfortable for him. He has a partner and people around him that help to keep him grounded to a degree. His responsibilities are great and if you think about it, his chosen lot in life might be similar to the kings of 'old'. Having to convey strength and power and honor under crushing pressure." He smiled.

I rolled my eyes at him and said, "Well, that's pretty deep. Never thought about the king angle. I think Batman still works better for me than king Ranger. Well, the tights on him and the rest of you guys is a nice picture. You do sound like you really care about him."

He grinned and shook his head. "My point was that even a few great kings cracked in history. Ranger was once my best friend in the world. We started Rangeman together. I had the money and he had respect and a brilliant idea. I was still going to college after the military for my engineering degree and had obligations. I signed on as a silent partner and backed him," he said.

I asked, "You're not still close?"

"We don't see each other very much and we had a kind of falling out early when he started the business."

I made a face at him. "Ben, you can't just tell me that and then expect me not to be nosy and ask what happened. I was raised to be a snoop, that's why I'm good at this kind of work."

He chuckled. "Got it. It had to do with some government contracts."

"You mean the missions? The guys call it _going in the wind_."

"Exactly. I thought he was being foolhardy after what we went through in the Rangers. We were lucky to get out alive and a lot of our friends didn't make it. But, he was determined to pay me back and own his equal share of the company as quick as possible. He didn't want to build slowly and wanted cash flowing. That's the way he did it."

I said, "He did seem to do it fast. When I met him, he was still what I called, _street Ranger,_ and his address was a vacant lot. Then all of a sudden he had that building and employees and a business and those cars. Boy, you wouldn't believe how much money total in cars I've destroyed of his."

He gave me kind of a sad like grin. "Yes, he did and yes I know exactly how many dollars worth were destroyed, and how many close calls you had. He had gotten Miami up and running and just came here to start the Trenton office. Well, initially he was just here visiting family and on a scouting mission and planned to go back to Miami. Something happened to keep him here."

We both locked eyes. I knew what he was thinking. It wasn't me? It couldn't have been me. He nodded. Damn ESP. "Ben, how could I have been much of an influence on him? He never really wanted me."

He smiled. "Oh, he wanted you. He just didn't know what to do with you. Tank is right. You're different from the other women he dated."

This conversation wasn't making me feel any better. If anything, I felt worse and rubbed the heels of my palms against my forehead. I just noticed that I kind of had a headache. He furrowed his brows. "Do you have a headache, Stephanie?"

I sighed. "A little one. I've just been upset and tense today. Even though the Professor and Eliza are no more, I still love him and care about him."

He smiled at me and said, "The who? So do I and so does his other partners and friends. He'll get better. He's strong."

He walked behind my chair and put his hands on both sides of my head and began rubbing little circles at my temples with his thumbs. I moaned. "It was an inside joke. He was my mentor at one time. I referred to us as Professor Higgins and Eliza Doolittle. That feels good."

He chuckled and whispered in my ear. "He's my friend, but what a damn fool. He knew the value of what he had. Bet you really made him uncomfortable. I'll give you a little head rub and then we'll get some aspirin in you and I expect by that time, your angry beast will roar."

I giggled and looked up at him. "You're sweet. Thank you. I'm sure Ranger is glad you're here."

He leaned down and gently kissed my lips and smiled. "If he doesn't remember that I love him like a brother and he needs to trust me, he will soon."

Ben took me out for dinner that night and met me at my office every night that week. We had begun a kind of comfortable companionship. He was easy to talk to and didn't seem like he was hiding much of himself. I was surprised to find out that he had been burned by a couple women. The ones in his past that knew his family background, had tended to be interested more in his money and influence. He was good-looking and a great catch.

He told me that he is the illegitimate son of his father and his first woman who was Cuban/American. The woman left him and his father gave him his name. His father is Indian/Gaelic/Irish and Old English. His stepmother or _monster_ he called her, never really liked him and he was considered the black sheep of the family. His father was smart and a hard worker and eventually ended up a famous architect and a very rich man.

I had told him that his father's line must be interesting. He said, "A British great-great grandfather met a woman while in India. That's how the line began."

I asked, "Is your father handsome like you?"

He grinned. "Well, judging by women's reactions to him and my step-monster's jealousy, I guess so. I never wanted to be saddled with a woman like her."

I asked, "Do you have any idea why your mother left? Is that an uncomfortable question?"

He shrugged. "She was Cuban nobility and I think dishonored the family. The patent of nobility was fervently maintained for a long time after Castro. She was to be Marquès, arranged marriage. She just disappeared after she left. I think my father loved her and never really got over that."

I thought about that. "Oh, my. That's sad. Maybe she did it for you and your father. Maybe she was threatened or something."

He looked pained and nodded. I think he had already thought of that.

I changed the subject and asked, "So how did you and Ranger meet?"

He smiled. "I was a lonely kid and I wanted to fit in. I would hang out after school at the boys and girls club and play sports and stuff. I met Ranger after he screwed up in Newark in the gang mess and got booted to Miami for his abuela to straighten his ass out. He gravitated to the same places to hang out after school. We all called him Ric back then." He laughed. "A skinny, Ricky Ricardo."

I tried to raise an eyebrow. "A what?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Guy can sing. Has a great voice. Back when he had a sense of humor, we used to razz him until he would sing _Babalu_. We would just fall out laughing because he sounded even better than Desi Arnaz. Later, on rare occasions when he was half drunk in the Army, we could get him to do it. No way now." His face kind of changed then.

I was shocked. "I'm going to take your word because I just can't picture him EVER doing that. Did you join the Army together? At the same time?"

He nodded again. "He went back to Newark and tried college. Gangs were messing with him again. He made the wise decision to join up rather than go back to that. I had started college and was being pressured to join my father's business. At the last minute, I split and joined with him. Met Tank in basic, Bobby came along when we did our first deployment later, and then Lester joined up about a year later. Joined us for Ranger training."

He said that he spent a lot of time travelling and did the fieldwork and research for the new Rangeman offices. Then purchases, designs and opens the new offices. That's why he was never in Trenton. Didn't really like Trenton much, but had thought about a Princeton home. Then he told me that he also does work for the government. Missions that require engineering work. For some reason that bit of information gave me chills. He said that he was an engineer officer and technical engineer with the title of, Engineer Senior Sergeant, in the Rangers.

I asked him, "I thought you didn't want to do those?"

He sighed. "Bastards had us by the balls early on. They knew Ranger was negotiating for the money. They wanted a group contract in the beginning. I would have been the deal breaker. That was my falling out point with Ranger, but I signed."

My eyebrows furrowed. "You put your life in danger for him? For money? Are you still fulfilling your contract?"

"Actually, I've paid my obligation in full." That was good, but for some reason, he wasn't smiling.

TBC -


	7. Chapter 7

**The primary characters do not belong to me. They belong mostly to Janet Evanovich. Even though I'm not happy with her continued humiliation of these wonderful characters, I thank her for creating them and letting us play with them. Ben is mine. I mean, I really wish that he was mine.**

All mistakes are mine.

Very nice reviews and you were definitely paying attention. The story really moves quickly from here.

A/N - Box of tissues mandatory this chapter.

**Chapter 7**

After two weeks of dinner and talking, Ben seemed to be squirming. He looked like he was in pain every night. When he walked me out to the car one night, I asked. "Why do you look like you're in pain? You're getting tired of this aren't you? I don't blame you and that's okay, you don't have to keep doing this. I'm fine. I appreciate you checking on me and being so nice to me."

His eyes nearly bugged and he kind of blushed. "What? I think you misunderstand. I watch you eat like you do, slurp, suck, lick, chew, lick your lips and moan. I'm in pain. I know that I'm going to walk you to your car and you're going to drive away leaving me standing there with a gargantuan hard-on and whimpering. When what I really want to do is take you home and love the heartache and pain out of you and make you mine."

My mouth flew open. I was shocked _and_ embarrassed. "Oh, Ben. I'm so sorry. I forget. You're not the only one I've tortured enjoying a meal, believe me."

He said, "Yeah, obviously. Last night I came back to Rangeman and Santos wanted to talk to me and I told him to leave me alone for just ten minutes. He pointed at my pants and laughed at me and said, "Good dinner with Stephanie?" He made a face. "Twisted asshole."

I put my hand over my mouth and snickered. I smiled at him and asked, "Exactly how do you begin loving that pain and heartache away?"

He gave me that adorable lopsided grin. Then he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close. "Well, the whole thing would normally start with the birds and the bees, but I haven't actually ever seen a bird or a bee do it. So, I don't know for sure if I'm doing it right, but I can wing it and I promise to give it my best." Then he flapped his elbow like a wing, making me giggle.

It had been so long for me now and my wonderful night with Ranger had been so long ago. I put my arms around his neck. "Ben, don't worry about a thing. What mother nature failed to teach you, I can."

He snatched my keys so fast and ran me around the car, opened the door and shoved me in. Then he jumped in the driver's seat, squealing out of that parking lot fast. That man made record time to the condo.

When we got there, he had grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs and opened my door. On the way to my room, we heard animal sounds down the hall and yelling. I whispered, "Um...I think that's advanced birds and bees. That's gorilla 101."

He chuckled and mock scratched at his armpits. "Sounds good to me. Lead the way, lovely lady."

When we got in my room, clothes went flying and kisses commenced. He was a fantastic kisser and I had no trouble engaging and then the rest was just a blur. A wonderful and satisfying blur.

Ranger had gotten out of the hospital and moved to Miami. I had never heard a word from him. After a few months and on my birthday, Ben staged a special night and got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I said yes, without hesitation. He had never been anything but, a perfect friend and lover. We rarely argued, we communicated often without words, he was just a strong and loving mate for me. In so few months, he _had _loved that heartache out of me. He was everything that a woman could ever want in a good man. He was my new hero.

I had hired Connie and Lula by then and Ben had bought that home near Princeton for us. We had a small ceremony in a lovely chapel with our closest friends and it was perfect. We notified the rest of the family and friends by phone, after. My mother wasn't thrilled, but I was considered a respectable daughter now.

* * *

Life was good and I was five months preggers and working in my office doing paperwork and catching up on my bookwork to keep the accountant from yanking his hair out when it came tax time. Connie and Lula were out in the field doing jobs now and Connie absolutely loved the change of pace by getting out of the office. She had suggested to Ben that he keep me barefoot and pregnant so she could continue having fun. Yikes! And, '_hell to the no_' thank you.

I was shuffling receipts and scratching my head when suddenly I felt a whisper soft whoosh and felt butterflies in my stomach and a very soft tickle slowly crawled right up through me leaving a little tingle on the back of my neck. Then I felt a very, very soft touch to my cheek like a thumb running slowly across it and down, ending with a touch to my lips and then I smelled an old familiar smell and then it was gone. Two words appeared immediately in my head, love and babe. I turned in my chair and looked behind me and said, "R...Ranger?"

Then I got up and went to the outer lobby and looked and it was empty.

I knew it wasn't my imagination. I knew that I'd felt him. I went back in the office and picked up my phone and dialed Tank. "Yo?"

"Tank, It's Steph."

"I know. Wassup?"

"Where is Ranger?"

"Ranger? He's on a mission. Been gone for about a month. Should be heading back stateside soon. Why?"

"I know this is going to sound wierd, but I just felt him."

He was silent for a minute. "Felt him. Like how?"

"Like I used to feel him. Remember? I...felt the tingle and then almost like he touched me and I briefly smelled him. You know, him mixed with the Bulgari."

He said, "Bomber, if anybody else told me this, I would ask them if they were feeling alright. I know your instincts though and the weird connection you used to have. I'm gonna' make some calls."

"Okay. Let us know what you find out."

"Will do. How are you feeling?"

"Bloated, fat and gassy and grouchy. Nuff said..."

He started chuckling. "So the nickname 'Bomber' fits you to a letter right now, huh?"

"Big smartass."

He chuckled again. "I'll call you soon." He disconnected.

We had dinner with Bobby and Lorraine that night. He was ribbing Ben and chuckling. "Hey Steph, so now that Lorraine is pregnant, we share pregnant wife stories."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh boy. Do I even want to know?"

Lorraine said, "No! I guarantee they're thorough. Bobby thinks he has to examine me every day."

He started snickering again. "Ben said that now you have new issues and you're already limited to positions because of your growing baby belly." Then he started laughing harder. "Said you've been blowing him off his mount, B...Bomber…" Then the jerk bent over holding his stomach and howling with laughter.

I growled. "You pigs! You've been getting together and discussing our pregnant sex life? Tank is in on it too. He's calling me Bomber for different reasons now. You just wait. You'll be in the same predicament soon, Bobby Brown. The pregnant sexy glow and fun runs out at about five months and all that's left is the flatulent and bloated bitch!" I dropped my fork, got up and stomped out of the room.

Ben came in the bedroom in a few minutes and I was crying. He said, "Steph, you don't normally overreact to joking. What's wrong, honey?"

"I don't know for sure. Something is just wrong. I think it's Ranger."

He came over and sat down next to me and rubbed my back. "Ranger? Like what?"

I said, "I just know something has happened and it has to do with him."

He sighed. "Tank told me about your call. He's doing what he can to find out about him."

"I don't mean to be rude, but I'm feeling tired. I'm going to say goodnight to Bobby and Lorraine."

He said, "Okay. They'll understand."

The next day, I had just gotten home and walked in the door and was surprised to see Ben back from his short business trip and Tank and Bobby and Lester was there too. They all looked grim. I set my bag down and looked at them. "What? What's wrong?"

Ben said, "Come here, honey." I walked over to him and he pulled me down next to him and nodded at Tank.

He said, "Little girl, I made those calls after I talked to you a couple days ago and I finally got a response back."

"Do they know where he's at?"

He hung his head, "I'd rather have to do anything than tell you this now." He sighed and just sat there looking at the floor for a minute and then looked up at me. "Ranger's body was found earlier today. He had finished his mission and was making his way back to his extraction point and was shot and killed. They estimate that he'd been dead for less than forty hours."

I was stunned. I couldn't speak and I couldn't move. Ranger dead? I used to think he was invincible until he had the break down. Then a thought struck me. Not just a thought, a picture.

My eyes were watering and my heart skipped a beat and dropped. I said, "Tank, even though you tried to cover it up, they found out about his break down. Why would they let him do a mission?"

He swiped his hands down his face. "He had friends in high places and demanded that they let him finish his contract. They let him do it. They had a difficult one and he was the best bet for success. You don't have an understanding of this type of contract. When there is a question with an operative, he's a liability. Even with his service, made no difference to them if he came back or not..."

Everything suddenly became very clear to me. I looked at him and said, "Tank, he wasn't just struck by a bullet. He stepped in front of one. I know that just like I know he died at the same moment that I felt him in my office. He was saying goodbye. He thought that was his destiny, that's why he never let anyone close to him..."

They all looked stricken and were silent for a couple minutes. Bobby said, "That wouldn't really surprise me knowing him. Even after treatment, he couldn't find a comfortable existence. He wasn't really happy in Miami and then he and Paulina broke up for good. I think that he always thought he would die on mission. On the fucking battlefield."

Tank said, "Yeah. He was prepared for that possibility every time he went. We had a meeting and he updated his will again before he left this time." He looked at me. "I opened the safe in the apartment and there was a box inside with your name on it, Steph. I looked inside and I think you should wait until you have the baby to open it. I don't know how long ago he put those things in the box. I didn't go as far as going through everything. I just looked in for your benefit before turning it over. I'll give it to Ben."

I looked at him with tears in my eyes and whispered, "Okay. What are you guys going to do now?"

Ben said, "We're going to move ahead. There was always a plan in place for losing core members. We continue to grow. We can never replace Ranger. He was our leader, brilliant and brave in business, in the military and in doing missions. He _would_ want us to go on and continue building his dream to the best of our ability."

Tears began to escape from my eyes then and they started to fall down my face. Ben hugged me to him and said, "It's alright, honey. Every single one of us has shed some tears today."

I sniffed. "Poor Julie. Has anyone talked to her? Does she know?"

Tank said, "I called Rachel after I called his parents. They were going to handle it."

Bobby said, "The brass is arranging a service for Ranger at Arlington. They have a Rangers section and will be having a ceremony in honor of his special service. They'll be calling when the arrangements are final."

"Oh, that's nice," I whispered.

We all just sat there shell-shocked and then Bobby and Tank and Lester got up and said goodbye and left us.

Ben said, "You okay, Steph?"

I said, "No. I'm sad. He was a big part of my life and I abandoned him and pushed him away. I'm not giving myself that much credit, but I know how he loved me and was with me in his last moments. He told me one time that he came back from some of those missions because he was thinking of me being here when he got back. He used to be like my best friend. This time, he didn't have anyone to come home to."

"Honey..?"

"No, Ben. I'm a terrible friend and an awful wife and I'm probably going to be a terrible mother to this baby…"

I got up and grabbed my bag and ran out of the house. I drove for an hour and ended up in the parking lot of my old apartment building. A place that reminded me of Ranger. The building and apartment had changed and was renovated now. Grandma had gone back to my parents house when it had started and she's still there because she's slowed down a lot in the past year.

I pulled out of the lot and the next place I found myself parked, was near Vinnie's bonds office next to the alley where Ranger used to take me and push me against the wall and kiss me breathless. Did I make a mistake in pushing him away instead of giving him a second chance? He didn't know that Joe and I had broken up that day. Looking down that alley, I could almost feel his touch and I vividly remembered my response to him. I felt it a little even now. Why now, dammit?! When he's gone and I'm married to his partner and I'm pregnant?

I pulled the car out and drove to Rangeman and pulled in the garage and parked. One of his cars was still left here. The Porsche Cayenne and I pulled up next to it and sat looking at it. I called Tank, "Steph, what are doing? Benny is messed up worried about you."

"I'm in the garage, Tank. Please bring the box down."

There was silence on the line for a few seconds. "Little girl, I don't think…"

I snapped, "Bring it down Tank or I will come up to get it! He left it for me and it's mine."

He disconnected and in about five minutes, he walked up to my car door. I rolled down the window and he handed me a box the size of a shoe box and it had a little slot and a label with my name on it. So Ranger, neat and tidy.

Tank said, "Please go home and open it."

He kissed me on the cheek and walked back to the elevators and headed up. I looked at it for several minutes. Then I took a deep breath and opened the box. On the top was a little jewelry box. I opened it and nestled inside, like they were hugging each other, were two little charms. One was Wonder Woman and the other was a Batman charm. I clutched the sweet little box to my chest.

The next box that I opened had a medal in it. It was a silver star. A note inside said,

"_I had just met you and I fought hard to get home as fast as I could to see you again, Babe. I earned this medal because of you. R_"

Now the tears were falling. There was a tiny envelope that had one of my earrings in it from a long time ago. I thought that I had lost it doing a distraction. I smiled when I picked up a very old butterscotch krimpet. After the first time that I stayed at his apartment, he'd had his housekeeper, Ella, always stock a box of Tastykakes for me. He would even put them in his glove box on stakeouts for when my stomach tried to interrupt the job.

A larger envelope had one of my thongs inside and I was surprised that I remembered that it was from that one night. Another small one had a hospital band with my name on it and one had a brown lock of curly hair. There was a white envelope with a deed to a home in Point Pleasant in my name. I was overwhelmed. He knew that I loved that place and the beach. The rest of the things in the box where photos of me and several with the two of us together.

I went through every one of those and was shocked at what they revealed. In every one, we were smiling at each other and there was love there. In one, I was touching his chest and smiling up at him, in another, his head was bent and our lips were almost touching. In one we were kissing and one, I was talking to a couple of his men and he was standing to the side grinning at me and the look in his eyes was revealing. It was warm and tender. Oh, Ranger. Why do I have to see this now?

I put the lid on the box and sat it on the passenger seat and choked on a sob. He just can't be gone. Did I make a mistake? Should I have waited to see the choices he would make after his treatment and give him another chance? He needed me. Maybe he never gave us a real chance because I always ran to another man when he wasn't around. I'm a terrible person.

My phone rang and I looked at the display. "Ben?"

"Time to go home Stephanie. Thank you for letting me dream with you. All my love to you both."

"What? You're not making sense. I'm on my way? Ben?" He was gone.

What was wrong now? I was panicked. I put the car in gear and raced out of the parking garage and turned onto Haywood. I was about two blocks away when I saw an orange flash in my peripheral vision and turned. An instant later, I felt something hit my car toward the back and then it exploded. I began screaming as I felt the heat of the flames licking up the upholstery of the car at my back and I tried to get the door open and it was jammed. I scrambled over to the other door and it wouldn't open either, so I began kicking at the window with my feet. Oh, God, the back of my seat was on fire now. I hit the horn and screamed again as I felt the first flame touch my skin. I'm going to die tonight.

Oh, poor Ben is going to be so hurt. I began to choke from the fumes and smoke and I reached for the box and brought it to my chest and held it close to me. Everything was burning now and I couldn't see and could no longer breathe. I choked on a sob at the burning pain and I said a silent prayer in my head and touched my baby bump and told him how sorry I was. Last, I spoke to Ranger and told him that he wouldn't be alone much longer. Through my last screams, I heard a calming voice in my head , "Babe, I'm here..."

TBC-

I couldn't hardly see to type this chapter. Seriously. You know how I like movies. Well, in the last paragraph I was thinking about the movie, _The Perfect Storm_. When the boat capsizes and John C. Reilly is watching the water rise inside the cabin, he says, "This is gonna' be hard on my little boy." He's watching his impending death in those moments. I pictured Steph in a similar way. Not going crazy, just meeting her demise and speaking to the people that were the most important to her. Sorry if I made you sad...


	8. Chapter 8

**The primary characters do not belong to me. They belong mostly to Janet Evanovich. Even though I'm not happy with her continued humiliation of these wonderful characters, I thank her for creating them and letting us play with them. Ben is mine. I mean, I really wish that he was mine.**

All mistakes are mine.

Your reviews were really good considering that I left you with tears and loads of questions. One reader was concerned about my writing Steph running when she is pregnant and making her look weak in more than one story. She said she couldn't sign in and would PM to talk about it and I guess didn't have a chance to. Just wanted to explain that in this story, she wasn't really running, she was upset and Ben wasn't the one that could comfort her at that moment. She was wanting to connect with Ranger and I needed her to leave to move the story where I wanted it to go. This chapter will explain more about Ben.

Marg and Mooch, sorry if I upset you. I do label chaps accurately.

I have a writing buddy who kind of smirked at me over another story because I was trying to think of some plot drama and asked her about some ideas. She said, "Haven't you worn out the running, amnesia and some other stuff?" Yup, I have. It's my M.O. I'm not apologizing if I can pull out a decent story in the end. On that note, I am going to re-do the ending to Handcuffs. Some of you guys called me on the abrupt ending. I was fed up, frustrated and having a hard time writing and I covered up the fact that I was rushing it with funny and it didn't really work. You guys knew what I was doing. When I get the time, I'll fix it.

Okay, ready? Open your mind. Some of you said you've been reading the chapters twice. This may be one that you'll want to do that!

**Chapter 8**

"Babe, I'm here. Don't cry. I've got you."

I sobbed. "Ranger, I'm so glad you're here and I'm sorry you died all alone."

"What? I didn't die and I wouldn't have been alone. You and Julie were with me."

I continued to sob. "I left you when you needed me."

"No you didn't. You've been there for me as much as I have for you."

"Is this heaven or did we go to the other place?"

He chuckled. "Babe, the drugs they have you on must be pretty wicked."

"What? Drugs? That sounds good. Fire hurts like a mother..."

I remembered someone else and touched my stomach and it was flat. Oh, God. My baby. I lost my baby.

Another sob escaped me. "Where's Ben? Does he know about the baby?"

"What? Ben who? Are you pregnant, Babe?"

"I was five months. It was a boy. Ben is going to be so hurt."

His voice changed. "Babe, tell me. Who is this Ben?"

I shook my head in frustration. "Your partner, my husband! Ben!"

He became silent. I heard movement and then a minute later. He growled out to someone, "Get the doctor! There's something wrong. She's hallucinating."

Was he becoming aggressive again? What the hell? I'm not putting up with his shit for eternity! I snapped at the empty space in front of me. "Ranger, you are not going to hurt me anymore. I am not going to spend eternity with a man that is aggressive, manipulates me and lies ! You can go away and wait for Paulina to bite the big one and torment her if you're going to be a jerk!"

There was an intake of air and then a strange and absolute silence. Crap, now I've done it. Guess, now I'm alone for eternity or at least until Ben or a family member croaks. I thought about eternity with my mother and groaned. Damn you, Ranger. "Why does everything with you have to include qualifiers and life addendums? And, hell, seriously? After-life rules too? I don't do this without that. No this, this, and that. I don't do those. I love you, but! Yadda...yadda...yadda. Doesn't it get exhausting working so hard to push people away that care about you?" I made a fart sound blowing out the air and my aggravation with it. So, what next? I haven't been judged yet. Maybe better be careful what I say and think and the fact that it's so dark up here is really making me nervous.

Then I heard muted voices and Ranger's voice was kind of angry still. Holy Cow! He's going to get us kicked out. I yell out, "Ranger! Cut...it...out!"

I heard light steps and smelled him close to me again. I whispered, "Please don't get us kicked out. Just stay calm. I'm sure one of his sidekicks will come for us soon. After all, they have to process a lot of people all the time."

He sighed. "Babe, I'm concerned about you and I'm just trying to get you some help."

I grumbled, "Help would have been nice before I was reduced to charred bones."

"What are you..? Babe..?"

"Ranger, just pull up a small cloud and sit down by me. Take a load off and try to be patient."

Right at that moment came a really loud growl. I started reaching out for Ranger and whimpering. "Oh fuck, Ranger! We're not where I thought we were. Was that a demon? Like one of those mean little things they call imps with little gnawing teeth?"

Big sigh. "Stephanie, where the hell do you think you are?"

"Shhhh! Don't even say it! I guess I was really bad. We should have never _did it_ that night. It was cheating and we boinked a bunch for one night. Plus, you did some kind of kinky stuff and I didn't admit it then, but I liked it. I told Joe, I would never do _that_ thing. Shit, I was lustful and gave the milk away for free a whole lot the last few years. Joe wanted to buy the farm. Maybe I should have let him. Oh boy, Joe and all that gorilla sex is gonna' get me."

"Babe?"

"What?"

"I'm begging you to please stop talking."

Another louder growl sounded and I whimpered again reaching out for Ranger.

"Ranger, I'm scared. They sound angry. Maybe there's something we can do to get them in a better mood. I know! Sing _Babalu._"

There was another really angry growl and it was a totally different tone. "Who told you about that? The last fucker that mentioned that couldn't open his mouth for six weeks!" He was yelling now. "You tell me WHO told you about that, now?!"

I whispered, "Ranger, it was Benny. Don't you even think about hurting him. I mean haunting him."

He snapped. "What are you talking about? It wasn't fucking Benny. My friend Benny is dead!"

I heard footsteps stomping away from me and then it was quiet again. Fuck. He's really gone this time. Why did he say that Ben was dead? Ben didn't die.

A little while later, I heard the sound of footsteps again. More than one and I began shaking. This is it. I'm about to meet the real man in black.

"Ms. Plum. I'm Dr. Kadiz. I understand you are a little confused since you woke up. It's quite possible that you suffered what is called a blast injury to your brain and ears when the explosion occurred. The symptoms can range from minor and temporary to permanent and severe. I would not think the type of blast you suffered from would be the more severe and permanent kind. I think that it is more a disorientation because of your eyes."

I asked, "Doctor? You mean I'm not dead?"

He chuckled. "No, Ms. Plum. You are very much alive and your friend is very concerned."

Not even funny to me. "You mean Ranger is alive too?"

His voice. "Babe? I don't know what gave you the idea that either one of us was dead. I was ready to leave the hospital tomorrow. I'm fine."

I asked, "Why is it dark and what's the date?"

The doctor's voice. "You have corneal flash burns and we have your eyes covered and sterile so that you can heal without infection."

"Stephanie, I've been in the hospital for almost two weeks since Scrog shot me. I was going to be released tomorrow. Then your car was bombed yesterday and you almost didn't make it out this time. You were two blocks from Rangeman and my men pulled you out. It was close. The blast buckled the front doors and you couldn't get them open to get out."

I said, "I remember the flames. Do I have burns?"

The doctor's voice. "You have some second degree burns. They are being aggressively treated and with care should heal with very minimal scarring."

I thought about the baby and choked on a sob. "Did I lose my baby boy?"

"Ms. Plum. You did not come into the hospital pregnant. If you think you had a miscarriage prior to or during the accident, we need to have a specialist examine you. How far along were you?"

"Five months."

Ranger said, "Babe, you weren't five months pregnant two weeks ago. I think you dreamed that."

I was becoming even more confused and suddenly almost frantic. "No! I think I'm dreaming now. I want my husband. I want Ben! Please call him and I need to call Connie and let her know I'm here."

"Babe, you're not married and I don't know who told you about Ben, but they _will_ pay for talking to you about him."

"Ranger, your attitude toward him is awful. The last thing he said is to tell you that he loves you. As a matter of fact, before that, he said that you should remember that he loves you like a brother and you should trust him."

I heard kind of a garbled choke. Ranger's voice was almost a whisper when he spoke next."Doctor, this is what I'm talking about. The man she's referring to had been dead a long time now."

Doctor Kadiz spoke softly. "In my line of work, I've heard stranger things when a person has suffered a near death experience. Depends on what you believe. I'll just examine her and leave you to talk. Does your own doctor know you are here? You look like you're in pain. Why don't you go see your nurse for that."

A sigh. "I do need something to take the edge off. Babe, I'll be back in a little while."

"Ranger?"

"Yes?"

"I met him. Nobody told me about him. He was one of the nicest guys that I have ever met and I'm so confused now. I miss him already."

I heard him sigh again. "Let me get something for the pain and we'll talk."

The doctor seemed to be nice. I had to ask him if I was going crazy. "Dr. Kadiz, before I woke up, I was living another life. I had a new business, I was married and pregnant and that man that left the room had just been killed. My car was bombed with me still in it and I burned to death. Hearing this, do you think I'm nuts?"

He touched my hand and said, "According to the paramedics that brought you in, you were not breathing when pulled from the car. Probably due to the smoke and fumes. It took several minutes for them to resuscitate you. I have heard many stories before and beyond explanation about that plane between life and death. To answer your question, I do not think you have lost your mind. Many people have had identical experiences and many do vary and it is hard to dismiss the stories as purely a physical response in the brain. I personally, keep an open mind regarding this issue."

I said, "But, I didn't just see a tunnel and bright light like I've heard about. I experienced an entire life change. I was living a new life."

He gently touched my hand. "You say no one had ever told you about this deceased man and he gave your friend a message. Perhaps you should consider what you experienced and everything that he said to you during that time. There may be a more important message he shared. Perhaps his visit was a kind of gift to you."

He checked me over and patted my hand before saying goodbye and leaving the room and me with more questions than ever. The nurse came in and gave me something for pain and I became sleepy and closed my eyes.

I woke up feeling a warm hand touching mine and a familiar smell. "Ben?"

"We've done all we can do. The rest is up to the both of you."

"None of it was real? Our life? The baby?"

"It was all to show you what you can accomplish and what you can have in your life, and it was a warning to both of you. Your course in life must change."

"But, we were intimate, married."

He chuckled. "If you think about it, you won't be able to remember any of the details."

I thought really hard and he was right. I couldn't even remember what he looked like naked.

I grumbled, "Well, that is really rotten, Benny."

He chuckled again. "It's time for me to go. You were the best wife and will be again. Have a wonderful life, Stephanie..."

I choked on a sob and reached out. "Ben! Don't go. Please don't leave me alone..."

I woke up sobbing and was still sobbing when another hand took mine and squeezed it. "Babe, I'm sorry. I had to take a little nap. The medicine made me sleepy."

I sniffled and took a breath. "So'kay. He came to say goodbye. I know that it wasn't real now. Don't worry, I'm not cuckoo."

He took my hand and said softly, "I never thought you were. I thought your trauma or meds were to blame. Do you feel like telling me about it?"

"This is going to be really hard to talk about, Ranger. In this story, you really hurt me and it changed my life. But, Ben says that it happened for a reason to show me that mine and your course in life has to change. I think he means the worst could happen and we could die."

He squeezed my hand. "I can handle it. Please tell me."

TBC -


	9. Chapter 9

**The primary characters do not belong to me. They belong mostly to Janet Evanovich. Even though I'm not happy with her continued humiliation of these wonderful characters, I thank her for creating them and letting us play with them. Ben is mine. I mean, I really wish that he was mine.**

All mistakes are mine.

Lots of sighs of relief. Some of you mentioned Dallas and the dream twist. That's funny, I had not thought about that, but you're right it was a similar move. Now you see why I didn't keep building on Ben and the marriage. It was only meant to be a glimpse for her. Another M.O. of mine, building hot OC characters and killing them. I gotta' quit doing that.

I was looking up something in JE's Twelve Sharp yesterday and the next thing you know, I was laughing my butt off and I read about half of it. That book is laugh out loud, funny as hell, except for the drama at the end with Ranger getting shot. That was a bummer, but what a fantastic twist and so many fans just dubbed it the best and last book and quit there. Don't blame them. A friend said the other day that she read thirteen and quit. She really knew the series was done then.

Twelve was probably one of her very best books if not THE best, hands down! Omigoodness, Caroline Scarzolli (shoplifter and Pleasure Treasures lady). "72 yrs. old, skin like an alligator's, bleached blonde hair teased into a rat's nest; wears orthopedic shoes, fishnet stockings, a tight spandex miniskirt, and a skimpy tanktop; probably smoked 3 packs a day and slept in a tanning bed (Her Grandma Mazur would get along great with this lady!)." The wall of dildos and Lula recommending the Big Boys video and buying her the Herbert Horsecock, then Caroline pulls a sawed-off from under the counter and tells them to take their shit and run and they do. Hehehe! Then they borrow Bob to apprehend this dangerous arsonist/attempted murderer times five in a park. It almost goes bad and the next thing you know, Bob is playing on his stunned body and slobbering on his crotch. Great stuff!

Here is the thing that is so wrong with the way Stephanie is written. They are seriously scared of this guy and yet Stephanie's stun gun light won't come on because the battery is so low. Come on! They don't prepare at all? That's not only totally reckless, it's moronic stuff! All they have is Lula's big gun and she can't shoot the broad side of a barn even if she can get it out of her big bag before the other guy shoots first. Betcha' dollars to donuts that if Lula or Bob had died, she would have Steph saying, "It wasn't my fault." That is writing her character so inept it's ridiculous. I'm pretty sure that a guy like Ranger, **_would_ **consider her mostly entertainment fodder and tail. No wonder he won't get serious about a relationship with her.

Blogged. Come state your opinion on the story or on Stephanie, the character.

A/N - Last minute addition. I heard from the publisher regarding my original book. They suggested some last minute changes to it and they are positive. Most lit agents or publishers just send you a rejection, they didn't. They were entertained and excited, they just want me to make it better and stronger. So chaps will be coming slower while I work on the book. They pointed out the exact areas where I needed to punch it up. I have to do it and re-submit. They noted that they give very few author's this chance. Shouldn't take me long to do it and have it edited and send it back. Well, I'm hoping. Sometimes you get started on something and it ends up a bigger project than you thought.

**Chapter 9**

I started at the beginning with the day that I came to his apartment after he got out of the hospital and Paulina was there. He made that choking sound again and I reached out and touched his arm and rubbed it. "Ranger, there are a lot of difficult parts to this story. I'm sorry."

He whispered to me. "Babe, Paulina drowned in a boating accident not long after Benny died."

I felt for his hand and squeezed it. "Oh, I'm sorry. She seemed nice and she was so beautiful, I was a little jealous. You know Ben said _we've_ done all we can do. Maybe he was referring to the both of them?"

I continued with the tale. The new career, moving in with Lorraine, meeting Ben and then his own break down. I paused to let him absorb that and he was quiet. "Do you want me to go on?"

He sighed. "How about a break. The nurse is bringing lunch. My nurse is sending mine here. We'll eat before we continue."

My stomach had already grumbled a couple times. "Okay. I can eat."

He chuckled. "Babe, the growling that you were afraid of earlier... Yours."

Ranger fed me a little of my exciting meal of cream of broccoli soup and a tuna fish salad sandwich. I then took the reins and my spoon and attempted to feed myself, letting him just deal with the drip-drops left behind. I asked him if his meal was any better and he just grumbled.

I snickered. "Ella has spoiled you so bad."

He surprised me and said, "Would you like to come home with me to recuperate and let Ella spoil us both?"

"I don't know. You would really want me to?"

"Of course, Babe. I'll just be on light duty and bored out of my mind. Maybe we can discuss that new business venture of yours, call Juniak and get it rolling. I think you would be great at that work."

I said, "I have to talk to Joe. I'm not for sure now what has actually happened between us since Scrog."

He asked. "What do you want to do about that situation now?"

I thought for a minute. "I think what I experienced is what should happen. We both knew after a while that we just weren't for each other in a long term relationship like a marriage and we were much better as friends."

He said, "You changed careers, married and got pregnant. Aren't those the things that Morelli wants?"

"Ranger, I didn't know that I wanted that until I found the right person. Then it just seemed to come naturally. I don't remember having to think about it or plan it. I don't remember all the details and he took away a lot of my memories about intimate stuff, but I knew that I wanted whatever came and was happy. You were the only element in that life that made me sad."

He mumbled, "I'm glad you don't remember the sex parts or I'd have to take a fucking ghost to the mats and smack his ass around."

"Ranger!"

He sighed and grumbled. "We had a thing about encroaching where women were concerned. He was a fucking female magnet even in high school. I had to work for my body, his just developed."

The memory of him walking into that bar in those jeans and boots along with that grin came to mind and I smiled and sighed. "Mmm, it _was_ fine..."

My attention snapped back to him when he let go a long string of Spanish and I'm fairly sure there were some dirty words mixed in there. Oops, guess this had be hard for him. Interesting, a jealous Ranger? Thought I better do some backpedaling to stroke his ego a little. "I mean, it was a good body. But, Ranger, yours is perfect. I can tell you that I sure do remember _everything_ with you. Oh boy, it was unforgettable. You betcha'..."

"Babe..."

After lunch, Tank, Bobby and Lester, came for a visit. Ranger told them that I was coming to stay at Rangeman to recuperate with him. They were going to let Ella know so that she could stock up on my essentials, like junk food. After they left, Joe arrived and Ranger kissed me on the cheek and went back to his room.

"Hey, Cupcake. I called and was told that you were awake. I couldn't come until now. Was on a case. How are you feeling?"

I said, "Well, I'm okay. I'm alive, right?"

He was very quiet for a couple minutes and I felt him touch my hand and then he kissed me. It was a really good kiss, but it was different. I heard him sigh then, "Steph, I can't do this anymore. You have no idea how torn up I was over this one and I was up all night thinking about it and us. The next car bomb or the next one after is going to take your life and I don't want to have to bury a wife one day who is maybe pregnant with one of our children. I just can't."

I heard him sniffle and tears came to my own eyes thinking about how very close he was to the truth. I even reached down and touched my now flat belly. I took his hand and brought it close to me. "I understand, Joe. I know I'm not the best woman for you. You deserve someone who has the same dream you do for the future. I'm okay with being friends and I still really want you in my life."

He let out a big breath. "Jesus, Cupcake. I was all bent out of shape wondering how I was going to explain how I felt. You know, because of what you said on the way to the hospital after Scrog. You know I love you too, but we're not moving in our relationship. You got someplace to go when you get out?"

"Yeah. Ranger has an Ella that makes great chocolate cake, and he asked if I wanted to come recuperate with him. Think I might take him up on the offer now."

He said, "You love him, don't you?"

I sighed. "It's complicated, Joe."

He said, "I'm not a total idiot. And, I knew the deal that day. Everybody there did..."

I felt his soft lips on mine and I kissed him back. "Don't ever think that I didn't love you, Joe. I did and I do, very much."

He said, "I know. I'll keep in touch."

"Bye, Joe."

"Be in touch, Cupcake."

Later, I felt a presence in the room and a warm tingle fluttered in my stomach and traveled up my spine and settled on the back of neck like a caress and then I smelled him and was relieved. "You're back."

"Yeah, I'm not comfortable with my friend paying you another visit in bed. I think I'll stay for the night."

I snickered. "You want to get comfortable. I can make room."

"Sounds good, Babe. I'm sore from all the hall travelling today. You and Morelli?"

"Oh, sorry. That's because of me. Piece of cake, he broke up with me first."

I could almost picture his eyebrow raise. "No shit?"

I scooted and he slipped in next to me and put an arm around me. I reached out to touch him and my hand landed a little low. "Ranger!"

"Babe..."

"You don't have any underwear on underneath that gown and you've been travelling the halls giving people a show?"

He snickered then. "I could give a shit less who sees my ass. You're the exception, Babe. I like the way you look at me."

I sighed and then smiled. "It's a fine ass, Ranger. But, I don't want everyone seeing it."

He chuckled and kissed me. "Go to sleep. We'll talk some more tomorrow."

It was strange under the circumstances. I couldn't see him, I just felt him, smelled him and heard him, but I had never felt closer to him. Not the super hero, Ranger the man. I snuggled closer to him and he hugged me tighter and it felt good as we both fell asleep.

A nurse came in clucking the next morning and poked Ranger and he _umphed a_nd grumbled. "I know you're not Stephanie Plum, so you'll have to go find your own bed and nurse, big boy. You have breakfast coming and a doctor on the way for a visit. So, move it."

I giggled and he groaned and scooted out. He kissed me on the lips and said, "Be back as soon as I'm released, Babe."

"Okay." I missed the absence of his warm, familiar body immediately.

My own doctor came in to visit me. "How are you feeling, Stephanie?"

I said, "Dr. Kadiz. _He_ came to visit when I took my nap yesterday and kind of gave me closure. I feel better now."

He patted my hand. "I'm curious. What do you think this visit revealed to you?"

I said, "I think it was serious. If Ranger and I don't change, we're not going to have a future anything."

"Do you plan to take the warning serious?"

I said, "Hell yes, I am! You probably don't know this, but this wasn't the first car bomb that I've survived."

Another doctor came to check my eyes and told me to keep the bandages on for one more day. Ranger came back after a while. "Hey, Babe. How are you feeling?"

"Hey, you get released? I'm pretty good."

"Yeah."

I told him, "Ranger, you should go home and let Ella take care of you. I'm okay. I'll just be here for another day most likely."

"Babe, I need to hear the rest."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

I started the story again at the place where he was hospitalized. "Ranger, the guys did everything they could for you. You just couldn't find a happy place. You left Trenton. I eventually married Ben and I got pregnant and we became a family. Then one day, I felt you and smelled you like you're in front of me now and I called Tank. I told him that something was wrong and he made some calls. They found your body a couple days later. It couldn't be confirmed, but I know you walked into a bullet on your last mission. Do you really consider that your destiny?"

He was so quiet that I couldn't tell if he was still in the room. "Ranger?"

He whispered. "I did. I don't know what to say. My best friend died because of me and I have never been able to forgive myself. He didn't even want to be there, but he went for me."

I reached out to him. "Give me your hand." He took my hand and kissed it and squeezed.

"He told me about the fall-out over the government contract and he told me about the deal the government wanted. I think that he went because he would have followed you anywhere. He was that kind of friend. He's not angry with you and he's trying to give you closure. Ranger, he loved you like a brother and still does even from beyond, wherever he is. He wants you to live and be happy."

I heard a pained sound like an animal groaning and then a sob and I felt his head on my hand and I felt his silent tears. I just ran my fingers through his hair and waited. Ranger breaking, again. Maybe I would have to have someone check for those flying pigs.

"Babe, why are you mumbling about flying pigs?"

"Never mind about the pigs. The gift these two people left for us was huge and I know what it is. If we don't change, we _are_ going to die. I have to give up the bounty hunting or I will die in one of those explosions and you have to give up the missions. The next one will leave you dead in some wasteland." I rubbed his head and continued to run my fingers through his silky hair. "I experienced the heartbreak of all the loss and the joys of the positive changes. I would like to make the changes real, with you this time."

"Babe?"

"Yes?"

"I love you, and not just in my own way."

I felt butterflies in my stomach at those familiar words. "I know."

"What?"

"Nevermind..."

"Babe..."

Ranger's ride came later that day and I was left to ponder my strange experience. I missed Ben, but his memory had already begun to gradually fade in my mind. Dr. Kadiz was right. We had been given a gift. I sure don't know what made us so special. I doubt most people got a last minute warning before the end. I was released the next day and Ranger sent me a ride. Bobby said that Ranger was really sore and tired. I admit that I was looking forward to crawling in bed next to him for some Ranger cuddling and snooze time.

When I got there, he had been waiting for me with a warm and inviting bed, those soft sheets that I remembered and open arms. Bobby was griping at Ranger and that made me giggle. He examined us both and barked at us that he was serious that no one was cleared for anything , but rest.

I had been at Rangeman for almost a week. My eyes and skin were better and Ranger was much stronger and had begun walking on the treadmill and working in short spurts. Neither of us had talked much about my otherworldly experience. I did do research on the private investigation business and signed up for classes to get the ball rolling. I called Joe Juniak at the TPD and he thought the change was great and even asked if I would please steer my friend Lula, away from the BEA business. He was getting close to having to arrest her for reckless endangerment and take her gun away. I promised and he told me that he would be happy to prepare a letter for me for the state police.

That night at dinner I looked at Ranger and said, "Time for me to go. I need to find another apartment and move before my P.I. classes begin. I can't live there anymore with all the bad memories."

He said, "You don't have to leave. You can stay here."

I said, "Ranger, you need to think about your own life before I can be with you. I won't be your mistress. I know you keep women because it's comfortable for you. I'm positive you didn't have sex with yourself all that time that I was with Joe. No way, but I won't share you. Either you give me the relationship and some of yourself or we have nothing."

"Babe?"

"Yes, Ranger. Boston? Where else? And, no more missions. You have money. Your business is established. The only reason that you kept doing them was your guilt and ego. Ben said it was foolhardy and it is."

He cursed under his breath. "I can't live with you and in a dead man's shadow too. Can I expect a ghost to rat me out the rest of my life? This is just fucked up!"

I snapped. "He said goodbye. He's gone. Maybe this was something that he felt he had to do before he went to the light or something. I don't know much about the afterlife. Nobody does. I'm even more confused now than I ever was before."

He growled, "Dammit!"

I snapped again. "Dammit, what? You don't want to give your mistresses up or the deadly missions? You're in your thirties. It's time to retire all of that dangerous folly. You think those women just sit there waiting for you? No. They're spending the money you earned with your blood and fucking other men in your stead, stud. On the other hand, I prefer your body and your blood still in it."

A wolfy kind of grin began to spread across his face. "You want my body?"

I sighed, exasperated. "I want all of you, stupid man. You don't know how awful it felt the day you died and I felt you. You left me a box and the contents broke my heart and I was grieving when I left Rangeman and my car exploded. When I died, I was thinking of you. You were with me."

TBC -


	10. Chapter 10

**The primary characters do not belong to me. They belong mostly to Janet Evanovich. Even though I'm not happy with her continued humiliation of these wonderful characters, I thank her for creating them and letting us play with them. Ben is mine. I mean, I really wish that he was mine.**

All mistakes are mine.

Ah, okay. Very good and interesting reviews and comments. Yes, darn Ranger's attitude. Realistically, he has as many or more issues as Stephanie. We'll delve a little. You can kind of see how Stephanie has gained some wisdom after the visitation from Ben. She's being realistic and standing up to Ranger a little.

Well, chicks. Got a reprieve tonight. I happy danced all over and decided to send you a chapter. I first thought I was going to have re-write my whole daggone book and in the third person, which is freaking hard. My story was losing words and my humor was sitting flat. Publisher just emailed me and said, no way did they want me to do that and lose my heroin's voice and the heart and soul of my book. Love that woman!

Okay - You ready for a smut alert? It's just one and not too bad, but still better change the rating to M.

**Chapter 10**

He just sat there looking at me with confusion and frustration written on his face. A look that was not natural for Ranger. Then it changed to something else. His face began to soften and a small smile began at the corners of his mouth and spread outward across his handsome face.

What a truly complicated man I thought, as I looked into his beautiful brown eyes and said, "Ranger, I want you _with_ me in the flesh."

He threaded his fingers through mine and pulled me up out of the chair and into his arms. He just gazed in my eyes for a few seconds and then looked at my lips and I opened my mouth and licked them in response to just his smoldering eyes. He slowly lowered his soft full lips to mine and touched me with just the slightest pressure until my tongue darted out to touch him and he just barely suckled it and released it. I sighed and wrapped my arms around his neck.

He whispered against my cheek, "Love me tonight, Babe. Show me how you feel."

There was no way that I could have said no. I was gone when he gazed in my eyes with that look of longing. It was a haunting look. The look that reminded me of his face and eyes on me that night, right before the guys took him away when I was in my dream state or whatever it was. I knew what he was asking. No one had ever really made love to him. No doubt he had always used or been used for sex and that's not what he wanted tonight. He wanted to feel loved and worthy of that love. I just nodded and touched his face and pulled him toward the bedroom.

I pulled his shirt off and dropped it and wrapped my arms around his lean, muscular waist and hugged him. He was alive and mine right now and I wanted to show him exactly how worthy he was of love. I smiled up at him and told him to sit down on the bed and I got down on my knees and pulled his boots off and his socks and unzipped him. His erection sprang proudly free and I shimmied his pants down and pulled them off. He sat there naked, on the end of the bed, smiling down at me. I rubbed my hands slowly down his chest and arms and then his legs and rubbed his feet. I had forgotten how magnificent he was and I'd daydreamed many times after that one night about doing to him exactly what I was about to do. I grinned at him and reached up and pulled the leather tie out of his hair and shook it out and said, "Ranger, we're going to do this, and it's going to be incredible."

That got me about a 5000-watt Ranger smile with teeth.

Then I pushed his legs apart and lowered my mouth to his gorgeous member, took his soft balls into one hand and pushed him back on the bed with my other hand. The sound that came from deep inside him was pretty much one of sheer male ecstasy. It came up from between his legs where I was loving him. I licked, rimmed, tongued, squeezed and hummed until he was writhing and begging to cum. I was so afraid that he was going to hurt himself where he was still sore from a cracked rib that I stepped it up a couple notches and then tickled him underneath his balls and he roared and came so hard. I was barely ready for it, but I did my job good and I managed every sweet drop.

I sat back on my heels and smiled at him. He was breathing hard and raised his head to look down at me. I had a little dribble left on my lip and licked at it and he raised an eyebrow and groaned and his dick raised up about an inch making me giggle. That put a huge grin on his face. "Come here, Babe."

I crawled up on the bed next him. "I was afraid that you were going to hurt yourself or pull something. You okay?"

"Yeah. You don't know how many times I've thought about you doing that. I had this fantasy about you unzipping me and taking me in your mouth in the alley by the bonds office, more than once. This was much better than the blow job in my head, Babe. Thank you."

That made me laugh. "You're welcome. You have blow jobs rolling around in your head, huh? The alley? You are so kinky."

He gave me a wolfy grin. "I told you before, I'm a little sexually sick. Can you hang?"

"Can I... Oh, I got some more moves of my own, you know."

He reached for me and pulled me to him for a kiss. "Bet you do, Babe. I can't wait."

He reached out and pulled my shirt off and dropped it and then unsnapped my bra in an instant. Then he pulled a strap and it was gone. He grazed my nipples with his knuckles while pulling my head down for another kiss. "Mmmm," he groaned.

"Mmmm," I groaned.

He whispered, "Take your pants off. I want to touch you."

He scooted up onto his pillow and watched me while I took my jeans and panties off. I laid next to him with my head on his thigh and my feet and butt near his head and began gently stroking him. He raised my knee up and ran his fingers through my folds while he watched my face.

He said, "I'm serious. Why don't you give up your apartment and stay with me. I could use a change and had been thinking about buying a house nearby and getting out of here for some privacy. Do you like that idea?"

"That's not just a compromise for the other stuff is it?"

"The women? No. You were with Morelli and after Paulina died, I wanted someone who was familiar for sex, but I didn't want more."

"Okay, I can understand that. The missions?"

"I have less than eight weeks left and a contract on my desk. They can't call me up until a doctor releases me for active duty and I'm mission ready. I figure that I'll have about two to three weeks to dodge a call," he said.

He was rubbing little circles around my clit and I moaned and then whispered, "You can't go, no matter what. We'll have to hide you."

"Babe, you don't know..."

I sat up. "No! Don't you get it? Ben went to a lot of trouble to let you know that you are fucked if you take another mission. You're dead! And, I will stoop to telling Tank this story if you don't take it seriously!"

He raised his hands. "Okay. Two or three weeks. We'll deal. Climb up here on me, Babe."

I grumbled while I sat on him. He opened a drawer and grabbed a condom and handed it to me and I rolled it on him. "You ready Bat… "

I lowered my head. He tapped my chin and said, "What?"

I looked at him with tears in my eyes. "I was going to say Batman, but Ben reminded me that not even superheroes are indestructible. I'm not going to call you that anymore."

He sat up and wrapped his arms around me. "I was never that. Only in your eyes."

I snorted. "Oh, yeah. And, in Connie's and Lula's. We all looked at you that way."

He sighed. "Are we going to talk about my partner right now, or make love?"

I said, "Hmmm, I do have some things on my mind...l...eek."

He grabbed me and growled and nibbled on my neck, making me giggle. I raised up and took him inside me and it felt so good to be joined with him again.

He whispered in my ear. "I'm going to wrap you around me..."

He pulled one leg out from under me and pulled it around his waist and then gently moved the other and I gasped. He was even deeper and I was feeling a new tingle.

I kissed the scar from the bullet wound on his neck and licked it and he groaned and whispered in my ear again, "Mmmm... It's been too long, Babe. Put your hands back on the bed and move on me."

Ranger was the master of the bedroom and I did exactly what he asked. In just a few minutes, we were both moaning and gasping. I had established a rhythm while he was pulling my hips down and we were both sweating and breathing hard. When he grimaced and touched his chest, I went to push him back and he held me close and rolled us to the side pulling my leg up over his hip. He moved so slowly and deliberately that my eyes rolled back in my head.

Into my ear, he spoke Spanish words in a silky smooth voice and he didn't stop until I mumbled that I was going to have a mighty orgasm. When it finally arrived, he was ready too. That sound of ecstasy from before had now transferred to a look on his face and another sound came from deep within him and his climax was intense and I followed with my own. He growled out as I squeezed him, "Agh... Fuck, Babe..."

He buried his head in my hair. When he groaned a little again, I knew it was probably from pain and I pulled away from him a little. "You okay, Ranger? You need a pain pill?"

He was still breathing hard. "Babe? Sex is a pain reliever. I'm good."

That made me smile and I wiggled closer to him and he wrapped an arm around my waist.

I snickered. "So, we good, Ricky?"

He kind of choked and grumbled. "Damn. I can't believe you know one of my blackmail worthy secrets. We're good if you don't ever use it against me."

"Oh, you will sing for me one day, Ric..."

"Babe..."

I yelped as he rolled me over on my back and began nibbling on my neck and tickling me. His yummy sound was the beginning of another round of yum for me that had nothing to do with my stomach.

A week later, I was packing my clothes and personal things and preparing to move in with Ranger. We had a serious talk a couple of days after making love that first time and he promised to square his personal business with any other women before I was finished moving. I didn't know all the details and I didn't want to know. I figured that since I had been sleeping with another man for the past three years that his private life during that time should just be that, private. I didn't like to think about it, but, I wasn't going to be a hypocrite either. I was just grateful that I had the good fortune to be back with a man that I had built a trusting foundation and loving relationship. I had reminded him that we were already in a relationship when he was pronouncing so emphatically that he didn't do them.

The whining phone call from Val came right on schedule. I told her don't fret, I was moving out of my apartment and she and Albert and the kids could squeeze in for as long as they needed. Furniture included. I had called Rangeman for some muscle and Bobby and Lester had come to help me. While they were loading my boxes, I decided to head downstairs to let Dillon know that Val and Albert would be moving in.

I knocked on his door and he answered. "Hey, Steph. What's up?"

"Sorry to bother you. Just wanted to tell you that my sister and her brood are going to be moving into my apartment for a while. Even with the kids, should be less excitement than with me there."

He smiled. "Good to know. I was just visiting with my sister."

Yeah! Lorraine. "Your sister? Can I meet her?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Um..sure."

He opened the door wider and there sat Lorraine on his couch, looking the very same as in my dream. I smiled and raised my hand and waved at her. She smiled back.

"Steph, this is my little sister Lorraine. Lorraine, Steph is a friend that lives upstairs."

Lorraine walked to the door and stuck out her hand and we shook. I said, "Sorry to interrupt your visit, but Lorraine, are you by any chance single?"

She looked a little confused and then she made an 'O' with her mouth. "Yes, but I'm...um...I...shit this is awkward."

I furrowed my brows and then I got it. "Oh, sorry. You don't date men. I get it."

Then she really looked confused. "Actually, that wasn't what I was trying to say. I thought you were..."

Then it dawned on me why she was so uncomfortable and I started giggling. "Lorraine, you thought I was coming on to you?"

She grinned. "Yeah, kind of."

Dillon kind of chuckled and I laughed. "No, no, no. I have a couple hot and hunky friends upstairs that are unattached and very eligible bachelors. I was going to ask if you wanted to come up and meet them. You never know..."

She laughed and made a raspberry sound with her mouth as she let out some nervous air and said, "Well, in that case lead the way."

I said, "Dillon you mind if I play matchmaker with your sister? It's Bobby and Lester."

He said, "Nah. Those are pretty good guys."

I grabbed her hand and we took the stairs up. I opened the door and we walked in the apartment and both of us stopped dead. Bobby had his shirt off and was bent over staring at Lester's bare ass. Lester was holding his pants around his thighs and just high enough in front where we couldn't see his favorite toy. I cleared my throat and they both looked up.

I sighed and said, "Well, I tried." I looked at Lorraine. "We're back to square one. I thought they liked women more."

Both guys said at the same time, "_We do!_"

I threw up my hands. "Then what the hell are you doing? I brought a nice woman up here to meet you two boobs."

Then Lorraine started giggling. Lester shrugged and grinned, "Comparing bullet wounds. I got the million dollar one. Look..."

Then he turned his butt toward us and pointed to a spot that looked like a little dimple. I turned and looked at Lorraine. "So, are _you_ impressed?"

She was snickering and pointed to Bobby. "I think I choose that guy…" Then she started laughing out loud and I followed. Lester was looking at his butt and up at us.

He said, "What? I thought my butt was kind of cute."

Between giggles I said, "It is, it's your brain that's the problem, Les." I looked at Lorraine and pointed at Bobby. "The bad news is, that even if you chose that one, this one comes with him. They're partners."

I gave Lester's butt a good smack and told him to pull his pants up and Lorraine started laughing again.

I introduced everyone and Lester and I headed back to Rangeman and Bobby decided to stay and chat with Lorraine. I did my job and nature would have to take care of the rest.

TBC -


	11. Chapter 11

**The primary characters do not belong to me. They belong mostly to Janet Evanovich. Even though I'm not happy with her continued humiliation of these wonderful characters, I thank her for creating them and letting us play with them. Ben is mine. I mean, I really wish that he was mine.**

**A butt load of bitchy and grumbling was released today over my chapter of More Big Surprises. LOL So, I thought while you guys are already squirming, I'd let you have another dose.**

_**Warning - If you didn't like that, you will HATE this chapter. Ranger and Stephanie are not really a match at all. They are total opposites when it comes to living together, and they will realistically annoy the hell out of each other. Sorry, but she was more suited to Morelli and Bob in this area. She's a pig, she's a glutton, she's lazy, she's irresponsible, no ambition, and selfish. She takes no pride in herself, except when she's dressing like a slut for a distraction, and has no respect or care even for her personal belongings, except when something dies on it or in it. She does everything without thinking it through. She is getting it together in this story, but not before the bitch slap heard all over Trenton. Ranger is the absolute and total opposite. Everything he does is to the letter and by the clock and for a purpose. He is driven and loyal (to suit his purposes) and pays his debts. **_

_**Ranger has faults too. Personally, I think he's a narcissist and a bombastic jerk. Do I hate either of them? No, I do not. I love them and they make fantastic story fodder.**_

_**Remember chicks. I don't specialize in the fairytale, I stretch the realistic with some fun thrown in. Good fiction! LOL**_

_**BTW - You guys will love my heroin in my book. She's a funny and strong Southern woman. Makes all kinds of mistakes, but she owns them and has a pretty sharp head on her shoulders. I in NO WAY wanted to do what has happened with these great characters in the JE books.**_

All mistakes are mine.

I think my sex scenes must need to be punched up. I think I bored you guys the last chapter. Ha!

A/N - Leon James was one of Steph's skips JE's book Twelve Sharp.

**Chapter 11**

Connie, Lula and I went shopping the next day. I needed casual, but professional clothes for my new job. I was thinking maybe some nice blouses and slacks with some comfortable jackets. All I had in my closet were ratty jeans, plenty of stuff with holes and burns, and slutty distraction wear. And, I was thinking that I could use a sensible pair of heels. Lula made faces at every pair that I tried on. She said, "Girl, your granny wouldn't even be caught dead in some of those shoes."

I said, "Lula, I don't need _fuck me pumps_, I need shoes to work in. I gotta' be able to walk and run and stand."

She made a face. "I can run in my Loubi's."

I mumbled, "Yeah, but you look and run about as fast as a three-toed sloth."

Connie snickered and Lula said, "What the fuck is that? I got all my toes."

I just laughed and said, "Never mind, Lula. You run like a gazelle."

"Bet yo' ass I do. Good thing you got a strong man like Batman. Ugly shoes and impotence go hand in hand. Mmm, hmm." She flapped her hand at the boxes at my feet. "Go ahead. Pick one of them _fugly_ shoes, and let's go eat."

I mumbled, "So that's the reason they created Viagra, _fugly_ shoes, and I don't call him that anymore."

Connie started snickering again, and I chose a pair of shoes that were comfortable and we headed to a place that served good hot wings and bar food nearby.

Ranger was feeling better and adding a little to his physical fitness routine every day and spending more hours in his office working. My skin was healing really well and the only reminder that I was in a fire, was my layered haircut. My hairdresser, Mr. Alexander had to trim all the singed areas out of the back of my head. The hair being lighter in weight, was bouncier and fluffier; making me look like a young Barbra Streisand or a poodle. I was getting creative with hair doodads and ways to tame the beast.

My car bomber was traced back to a skip that Lula and I had duped and caught using Morelli's dog, Bob, in a 'Burg park. His name was Leon James, and he was an arsonist and attempted murderer times five and we had been really scared of the guy that day. I had lured him there with a job offer and the job was to murder my husband and his set price was $10,000 in cash.

There had been an eyewitness that night he bombed my car, a homeless man. Somehow, James had been released from jail by mistake due to overcrowding and he came straight for me. I don't know if he was mad because I took him back to jail or we let Bob slobber on him and use him like a squeeze toy after I zapped him. Funny thing, when the TPD located him and went to make the arrest, he'd disappeared without a trace. Well, maybe not so funny when your boyfriend is a mercenary and doesn't take kindly to someone trying to get rid of you. Permanently.

Wrapping my head around the fact that I was now living with Ranger and not just hiding here, was hard to get used to. It wasn't the same as living with Joe and Bob, at all. At Joe's, I lived out of a laundry basket, cleaned house when we were tripping down the stairs on stuff or Bob was chewing his way through the stuff. We ate and made love on the spur and on the run. It was laid back and I hate to admit it, but easier.

Living with Ranger was pretty much the polar opposite. Everything was organized and neat, and if I left a pair of panties on the floor, there wasn't a Bob to take care of it, there was an Ella. Big difference, Bob doesn't question or talk about the state of your underwear. He just eats the evidence. When Ranger tripped over my sensible shoes in the dressing room and landed face down on a dirty thong, he wasn't amused when I told him that we could get a Bob to solve that problem.

I couldn't get comfortable in the apartment, and I second guessed everything that I did. From where to put my own razor and shaving cream, to what do I do with my used feminine products? Sometimes, I would just find something moved and neatly placed in a new space. I fretted over the bed sheets in the morning and I kind of wanted to wash my own laundry.

Ranger did everything on a schedule and pretty much the same way every day, which drove me nuts. He checks his schedule via his cell phone every night before he goes to sleep. It goes like this:

Gym at 0500 for two hours, big bathroom at 0705 for evacuation and shower, breakfast and newspaper at 0730. He's on the control room floor and heading to his office by 0800. Lunch at 1200, back at work at 1300, off at 1700, dinner at 1730, evacuation number two in the big bath at 1830, _must be all the rabbit food and twigs?_ Shower number two at 1845, relax time, make love between 2100 and 2300, set alarm and go to sleep. Big sigh...

Sheesh, I learned my lesson about being in the big bathroom at evac _uno_, in the morning. Joe just blasted into the bathroom with his reading material when the urge hit him and you either stayed or you left. Usually, I left, _immediately_. Bob was the only one that found that room, at that particular time, an interesting place to be. Ranger, on the other hand, stomps in like a Brigadier General on an urgent mission and you have sixty seconds to leave the drop zone, or else. Don't even get me started on _dos_. No wonder he wanted to do the missions, to break up the freaking doldrums.

Ranger made me want to fuck with his schedule just for fun. Though the memories of Ben were still fading, I remembered being comfortable and I didn't remember having to put so much thought into simple things. We just merged and seemed to meld into one natural unit. No Bob needed. Why wasn't I feeling that with Ranger? Was it insecurity or worse, distrust? Maybe I was looking for that sign that he'd changed and wanted what? I thought of my dream state and telling Ranger that I wasn't the woman for him and that I might want the house and marriage and kids some day. Shit. Was that my problem? Did I want that now and was living with a man that would never want the same? Was I now the Morelli in this relationship? Who would have thunk that one?

We were almost four weeks into our new relationship and living arrangement. I had been putting off my mother, because I just wanted to be more comfortable with Ranger before I subjected him to a crazy family night as a couple. My Mom had been on a mission to get the scoop on my personal life after I moved out of my apartment and failed to give her a new address within the week. I was still catching skips in the daytime, taking my P.I. classes at night online during Ranger's relax period after dinner. As much as I loved him, and being with him, I was feeling that need or itch that I had in the dream of venturing out on my own. I remembered the sense of satisfaction and pride I felt in making those positive changes for myself. Then there was the big differences in the way we live. The simple things I wanted in life in that dream when I came up here with cake and flowers seemed like they belonged to a different person now.

I had mustered the courage, and decided to approach Ranger for a discussion on my living here after I took a P.I. test tonight. I finished and shut the computer down and went in the living room. He looked up at me, "Hey, Babe."

"Hey, you want a glass of wine? I was wondering if we could talk?"

He looked up at me and then turned the TV off. "Sure, I'll take a glass of red."

I went in the kitchen and filled two wine glasses with the bottle left over from dinner and came back and handed him one.

He asked, "What's on your mind, Babe?"

I cleared my throat and said, "Well, us actually."

His expression changed a little. "Go on?"

"Well, um. I've been doing some thinking. Guess you've noticed how different we are as roommates go? I've kind of had the feeling that some of the things I do aggravate you and I don't really schedule my life. I thought maybe that we both might be more comfortable just dating right now, rather than living together so soon in our relationship."

I stopped talking and waited for a response or a sign to continue. I did get a response. His face changed and his jaw set. Shit.

He said, "What's your point, Babe?"

I swallowed and said, "I think that maybe we changed our relationship too fast with moving in together. I think we should back up and I should find my own place, and we should date. You've never done it before, right? Might be really fun and interesting. You're just getting used to a life, minus the missions. Too early to really think about the future and a significant other, and I'm going through these changes..."

He looked serious. "Are you saying that you're not happy?"

I touched his arm. "No, not really. I don't fit into a mold or a routine or a schedule, Ranger, and I never will. I told you that feeling like it was the right time and with the right person, I was just comfortable. I didn't have to think about the future, and it just seemed to fall into place. There is probably a right time for it to happen, I mean for us. Right?"

His face changed again and he looked hurt or something else.

He said, "I get it. This is the same shit you did with Morelli when you got the itch for me, right? You that bored, Babe?"

I was shocked by his words. "What? You think I want another man? That's not what I mean..."

He was glowering now. "You chose my best friend over me, didn't you? A dead man. I'm not the right person for you?"

"No! I mean, I didn't say that. I just can't live like we live here. Everything on a schedule, everything so sterile. I want messy, unpredictable, spontaneous, fun..."

He grinned at me. "You want that, do you?"

He took the wine glass out of my hand and sat it on the coffee table and reached for his t-shirt that I was wearing and pulled it off, and then put me on my knees and got behind me. Then he got behind me and spread my legs with his feet and with a yank, my panties were gone.

My mind traveled back to a night in my dream where I was scared of him. "R...anger. you're angry and I'm not comfortable."

He said in my ear in an unfamiliar voice, "I'm not angry, in the hospital you said you were turned on by this. You like unpredictable and spontaneous and we're about to get messy."

"Ranger, please. I just wanted to talk, I think you misunderstand me."

I turned to look at him and he was stroking himself. "This is like talking. You wanted to get to know me. You wanted me to give up my women. Well, this is what they did for me. You want to date me, Babe? You gotta' put it all out there…"

I was in the tub later washing off the mess he'd made on me, before zipping his pants and leaving the apartment, and slamming the door behind him. There had been no playfulness, no tenderness, he had just fucked me the way he wanted to. I got out and dropped my towel on the floor and left it, and I left all my other stuff just sitting out. I even left the vanity a little messy on purpose. I emptied my drawers and pulled down my neatly hanging garments and I threw everything in my suitcases in a messy heap and sat on them to get them closed. Then I went to bed.

He woke me up when he came in and pulled me to him. "I'm sorry, Babe. Did I hurt you?"

I put my arms on his chest and pushed, "Now I know what would have happened the night you attacked me in anger in my dream. It hurts more emotionally than physically."

He sighed. "You packed."

"Yes. What did you expect me to do?"

"You stay, we work through this."

I snapped. "I am not one of your mistresses, Ranger. You will not treat me like one. I deserve better."

He said, "Despite tonight, I haven't treated you like a mistress. I have never given more of myself to anyone, than I give to you."

"Yes you did. The words came out of your mouth. I'm here because I love you, not because I need you or want anything from you. I know that I can take care of myself now and that's what I'm going to do."

He reached toward me. "Don't leave. I'm going to find us a house. I want us to work this out."

I turned my back to him. I had made my decision.

TBC -


End file.
